Comments on: Reader Columns http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com Getting Past Your Breakup and Becoming The Best Person You Can Be! Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:54:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=MU By: seeif http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/reader-columns/#comment-14000 seeif Sat, 14 Jun 2008 00:49:26 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?page_id=579#comment-14000 Amber, Your description of what your ex did to you -- attempting to KILL you -- sounds horrible. You say you have met the man of your "dreams...can you tell us some of the process you went through to heal from your previous abuse? Thank you for your post. Seeif Amber,

Your description of what your ex did to you — attempting to KILL you — sounds horrible. You say you have met the man of your “dreams…can you tell us some of the process you went through to heal from your previous abuse?

Thank you for your post.

Seeif

]]> By: seeif http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/reader-columns/#comment-14001 seeif Sat, 14 Jun 2008 00:47:25 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?page_id=579#comment-14001 Amber, Your description of what your ex did to you -- attempting to KILL you -- sounds horrible. You say you have met the man of your "dreams...can you tell us some of the process you went through to heal from your previous abuse? Thank you for your post. Seeif Amber,

Your description of what your ex did to you — attempting to KILL you — sounds horrible. You say you have met the man of your “dreams…can you tell us some of the process you went through to heal from your previous abuse?

Thank you for your post.

Seeif

]]> By: Gwen http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/reader-columns/#comment-13998 Gwen Sat, 14 Jun 2008 00:15:05 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?page_id=579#comment-13998 I filed for divorce May 2008 will be finalized if all goes well in August 2008 because I did not seek alimony and he walked away from so many responsibilities that they all in my name any way. I do not want anything from him. There are times I still wonder what I did that could have caused this man to become such a self centered stranger. But I give myself too much credit I cannot control how others choose to exist in this universe. I am the first to admith that I am not totally perfect but I would never ever hurt any living creature intentionally. I have two dogs and three cats I rescued from the animal shelter and since the poison pet food issue I make my own pet food. (Yeah they are spoiled wih love and attention). But my moment of truth came when our then 14 year old daughter started having issues some caused by adolescense but a lot due to me not dealing with a bad marriage. I think the ligth bulb came on when my husband objected my taking my child for counseling. I had allowed my sense of being, my moods, my happiness, my existence to be determined by his affirmations of well done or his darker side of continually blaming me for taking away his masculine pride but his girl friend made him feel like a man! Boy did I suck this up and really went to work to make him feel good bout himself. Until I looked at myself I looked 20 yrs older than I am and my daughter was on antidepressants. My mother who is deceased came to me in a dream and let me have it. I had put myself through college I have a master's degree I am the breadwinner of the family and at one point I was a strong loving independent woman. I even had self esteem! I started writing a journal and when I would get the desire to call or communicate with hm I would read why on earth would you even want to speak with this person again? and I would continue to write. I joined a group of co workers at work and we walk and watch our food intake I have lost 16 lbs since April. I got a new hair do, some new clothes, enrolled in a digital camera class initially to have something to do. I also meditate and take long walks. I focused on my 15 yr to get her through and she is off medications, made friends in fact she is visiting her little boy friend now so this is why I have the time to write this. I am at peace with my self now but I worked diligently to get here some times it was minute by minute ( can't tell you how many loads of laundry, floors I scrubbed, ovens, refrigerator I cleaned in the Am when the urge hit me to call or text him). Bottom line it worked and I sincerely hope that my story will help someone else going through this. I filed for divorce May 2008 will be finalized if all goes well in August 2008 because I did not seek alimony and he walked away from so many responsibilities that they all in my name any way. I do not want anything from him. There are times I still wonder what I did that could have caused this man to become such a self centered stranger. But I give myself too much credit I cannot control how others choose to exist in this universe. I am the first to admith that I am not totally perfect but I would never ever hurt any living creature intentionally. I have two dogs and three cats I rescued from the animal shelter and since the poison pet food issue I make my own pet food. (Yeah they are spoiled wih love and attention). But my moment of truth came when our then 14 year old daughter started having issues some caused by adolescense but a lot due to me not dealing with a bad marriage. I think the ligth bulb came on when my husband objected my taking my child for counseling. I had allowed my sense of being, my moods, my happiness, my existence to be determined by his affirmations of well done or his darker side of continually blaming me for taking away his masculine pride but his girl friend made him feel like a man!

Boy did I suck this up and really went to work to make him feel good bout himself. Until I looked at myself I looked 20 yrs older than I am and my daughter was on antidepressants. My mother who is deceased came to me in a dream and let me have it. I had put myself through college I have a master’s degree I am the breadwinner of the family and at one point I was a strong loving independent woman. I even had self esteem! I started writing a journal and when I would get the desire to call or communicate with hm I would read why on earth would you even want to speak with this person again? and I would continue to write. I joined a group of co workers at work and we walk and watch our food intake I have lost 16 lbs since April. I got a new hair do, some new clothes, enrolled in a digital camera class initially to have something to do. I also meditate and take long walks. I focused on my 15 yr to get her through and she is off medications, made friends in fact she is visiting her little boy friend now so this is why I have the time to write this.
I am at peace with my self now but I worked diligently to get here some times it was minute by minute ( can’t tell you how many loads of laundry, floors I scrubbed, ovens, refrigerator I cleaned in the Am when the urge hit me to call or text him). Bottom line it worked and I sincerely hope that my story will help someone else going through this.

]]> By: amber http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/reader-columns/#comment-13573 amber Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:17:06 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?page_id=579#comment-13573 i was with a man for 2-3 years, when i met him it was like id met the man of my dreams, i knew him for years and always liked him. i had been told he had been abusive to his ex but that wasn't the picture he painted of it, in fact much the opposite and like a fool i believed him. the abuse started early on every time he got drunk, what a shock!! at first it was little things that in the morning he couldn't remember, but i could! every time this happened i became more and more un happy. things like calling me names and accusing of being with other men. he would pretent to hit me nad throw me around the house like a little rag doll, at his worse when i heard him come in i would hide. Then one night when he was drunk he tried to kill me, he strangled to the point where i couldn't breath and i thought i was going to die. he pinned me down and called me all sorts of horrible names and i believed him. by this time i wasn't going out only to work i nearly lost my job because of him, but i didnt care because i was so low all my focus was how can i make him love me enough to stop hurting me. It was always me that said sorry. The next day he called with no memory or as he said, but he was so sorry for what he'd done and i believed him that he would change. I had a 2 years daughter at this point (not his i might add) and she kept me going, she luckily didn't witness any of this. I would stare at her pictures for hours when he was out on a bender wishing for happier days. my friends by this point had had enough of listening to my tears and from then on i was on my own. That was a choice i will always regret. how can anyone choose a man like that over her friends but i did because i always thought he would change. No such luck! i then found out he had cheated on me and then things got really bad, he always thought that i would do the same back, his drinking got worse and so did he. he broke into my house one night when i had gone out, the phone rang and it came up home! i panicked but for some reason i didn't tell anyone i was with and went home to face him. when i got home i found him asleep in my bed, i woke him and told him to leave and he got very violent, i noticed on my way upstairs he had pinned notes up all around the house saying that i was a slag and he would kill me, when i woke him he had a knife in his hand, i thought of my beatuiful little girl and nothing else as i thought this would be my last memory. This is jusy the tip of the ice berg i could go on and on. It feels better to talk about this, thanks. i might just add i did get away from him with alot of help from my friends nad thankfully have now meet the REAL man of my dreams xx i was with a man for 2-3 years, when i met him it was like id met the man of my dreams, i knew him for years and always liked him. i had been told he had been abusive to his ex but that wasn’t the picture he painted of it, in fact much the opposite and like a fool i believed him. the abuse started early on every time he got drunk, what a shock!! at first it was little things that in the morning he couldn’t remember, but i could! every time this happened i became more and more un happy. things like calling me names and accusing of being with other men. he would pretent to hit me nad throw me around the house like a little rag doll, at his worse when i heard him come in i would hide.

Then one night when he was drunk he tried to kill me, he strangled to the point where i couldn’t breath and i thought i was going to die. he pinned me down and called me all sorts of horrible names and i believed him. by this time i wasn’t going out only to work i nearly lost my job because of him, but i didnt care because i was so low all my focus was how can i make him love me enough to stop hurting me. It was always me that said sorry.

The next day he called with no memory or as he said, but he was so sorry for what he’d done and i believed him that he would change. I had a 2 years daughter at this point (not his i might add) and she kept me going, she luckily didn’t witness any of this. I would stare at her pictures for hours when he was out on a bender wishing for happier days. my friends by this point had had enough of listening to my tears and from then on i was on my own. That was a choice i will always regret. how can anyone choose a man like that over her friends but i did because i always thought he would change. No such luck!

i then found out he had cheated on me and then things got really bad, he always thought that i would do the same back, his drinking got worse and so did he.

he broke into my house one night when i had gone out, the phone rang and it came up home! i panicked but for some reason i didn’t tell anyone i was with and went home to face him. when i got home i found him asleep in my bed, i woke him and told him to leave and he got very violent, i noticed on my way upstairs he had pinned notes up all around the house saying that i was a slag and he would kill me, when i woke him he had a knife in his hand, i thought of my beatuiful little girl and nothing else as i thought this would be my last memory. This is jusy the tip of the ice berg i could go on and on.

It feels better to talk about this, thanks. i might just add i did get away from him with alot of help from my friends nad thankfully have now meet the REAL man of my dreams xx

]]> By: Roz http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/reader-columns/#comment-13244 Roz Wed, 28 May 2008 19:11:54 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?page_id=579#comment-13244 I've just found your website. My long term boyfriend is a SA. I tried to leave him last December. He started going to meetings, 1:1 counseling. I'm learning I'm a co-dependant. I'm also going to couseling. we started going to couple's sessions (his idea). It worked only until he became complasant and started flirting again. 5 months he fell off the wagon. I can't seem to get out of this relationship and seem to think there is still hope for us (he always begs for forgiveness and tells me it's not about me, it's his sickness). So he's back into counseling and SA meetings. I worked thru the worksheet on breaking a relationship, did some initial list making, but have not followed thru yet..i can't seem to help myself despite all the affirmations, mediations, couseling and prozac. I’ve just found your website. My long term boyfriend is a SA. I tried to leave him last December. He started going to meetings, 1:1 counseling. I’m learning I’m a co-dependant. I’m also going to couseling. we started going to couple’s sessions (his idea). It worked only until he became complasant and started flirting again. 5 months he fell off the wagon. I can’t seem to get out of this relationship and seem to think there is still hope for us (he always begs for forgiveness and tells me it’s not about me, it’s his sickness). So he’s back into counseling and SA meetings. I worked thru the worksheet on breaking a relationship, did some initial list making, but have not followed thru yet..i can’t seem to help myself despite all the affirmations, mediations, couseling and prozac.

]]>