This is by far the most comprehensive, realistic and well researched blog I have come across… and I’ve been through a bunch!!! :-) Working thru’ a > 5 year distance relationship that nose-dived with all the associated turmoil and manifestations of Murphy’s Law (job search didn’t pan out, loss of a parent, regrets about previous decisions, physical changes etc). I came by again today to work through a “slump” is my long, solitary healing process. Things are much better but it does help to get the useful reminders now and then. Right now I’m working on getting my concentration back on track - living in the present while planning ahead to avoid stress. Also focussing on a few but important areas in my life. Reading your “About” column resonates with some of my experiences. Kudos for an awesome job!!!!

Jeri

I read “About” for the first time today. This site is truly one of a kind. It makes one feel like they can do anything despite the obstacles which seem never-ending. I remember vividly the devastation and hopelessness I felt after my break-up. I accidentally stumbled onto this site a little more than two months later (February 7, 2008) while desperately seeking a way to get over it because I didn’t “get it” and I couldn’t cope. Everyone including you helped me to get back up again and have continued to do so every time I would slip backwards. I’ve come a long way since and I still have a long way to go. I start therapy on April 14, 2008. This site prepared me for that next step, but most importantly, made me feel again. Please accept my heartfelt thanks.

– Danish proverb

I am truly in awe and inspired by your story. Your commitment to helping other people empower themselves to become whatever they can imagine in spite of insurmountable odds is just indescribable. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. Because of you, seeds of inspiration are planted, and thousands of dreams are being set in motion. I will pray for each life, and pray everyone continues making the choices to set their lives on a path of positive action. I worked for a gentleman who says, “Action Has No Season.” The concept is applicable to all of us coming out of something potentially devastating. We can free ourselves. Your encouraging messages bring me to tears. Thank you.

I love this site, and your responses have pulled me out of a dark hole that I wasn’t sure I would ever come out of after this recent break up. You have no idea.

Thank you so much.

I didn’t match the typical codependent profile. I wasn’t raised in a foster home or adopted or abandoned as a child. Oh, but was I? I think yes. When your parents are so busy trying to keep their relationship afloat, you get left in the background. You may have all the creature comforts, and by terrified of life. My mom always called me shy. Shy, Hell, i was terrified of all things that happened to me outside of my mothers view. I couldn’t stand the idea of going to school without her. This notion eventually sent me to the hospital at age 10 with pneumonia, no doubt due to a suppressed immunes system from all of the daily worrying that went on inside of me.
My dad? He was mad. That describes him. Everyday he would be mad at something. It didn’t matter the subject of the anger, it was always something. He never directed his anger at the kids, it was always my mom’s fault. She didn’t make dinner right, she didn’t have me pick up my room, she didn’t……….fill in the blank. He didn’t even care about us enough to yell at us directly. We were just things to be ignored because we were so vile to him. We weren’t worthy of his attention for any reason.
I was fat. I was made of at school, and ignored at home. My mom was my only comfort, but only when she was free of my dad’s wrath.

The comination of dad and school was too much for me to ignore. I became painfully familiar with the knowledge that I was worth only to be ignored, or a subject of ridicule for my appearance.

From this treatment from the world i derived some coping mechanisms. I would wait patiently until it was my turn for love. i would lose the weight and get a boyfriend and all of the hurt and pain of abandonment would be resolved. Can I get a big ha ha ha from the readers of this post? What a laugh. My innocent mind thought that I had the perfect answer. I day dreamed for years of the man that would release me from my prison. He has come and gone in many forms. He always comes, then he always leaves. How can these men do this to such a caring girl? Could it be them? Are they to blame? Could it be me? Something I am doing to drive them away? The answer lies in the way a person lives when they suffer from fear of abondonment. They live as if they are going to be abondoned at any given moment. They live with a fear in them alive and well at all times. it would be the same as sending an agoraphobe out into the busy city streets. Not a good time.
Can these fears or phobias be overcome? This is what I am attempting to find out.

I’m 31, and I too went through a painful past (mostly verbal abuse), but as I was growing up, I was determined that I would get myself out of it. It has been a bumpy road filled with therapy and self-help programs, but it has all been worth it.

I suffered through depression, anxiety, OCD, self-destructive behaviors, and postpartum behavior disorders. But I’ve worked through all of it. I got an AA in Liberal Studies, met my husband, got a BA in Natural Science, and earned a writing certificate. My goal was to become an elementary school teacher because I wanted to help kids. Then I had kids of my own and decided to become a stay-at-home mom and the best mom that I can be. I’ve also wanted to be a writer (for as long as I can remember), so I’ve been writing about the things I’ve learned from my experience (mostly on my website). It amazes me that I could earn money from it. I’ve also decided that I’d like to write children’s books, and I’m pursuing that as well. I’ve also been obese my entire life, and now I’m losing weight. I’ve decided to get my personal trainer certification to help people with obesity, and I plan to get my masters in counseling when the kids are old enough to stay home alone. My goal is to help people deal with the emotional causes of obesity as well as help others who have been dealt with abuse, anxiety, and depression. I’m still going to help kids by volunteering in schools rather than being the teacher. I know that’s a lot on my plate, but I can’t imagine spending my entire life doing just one job. I like variety, and I love helping people. Nevertheless, I often worry that I won’t be able to do it.

When I read your story, I was deeply inspired. You, too, sound like a woman with a lot on her plate while dealing with the effects of the past, and your ideas for overcoming past pain are very similar to my own. I want you to know that just by posting this single “About” page, you have renewed my confidence in myself. Thank you.

Happy day!

Kristen Brooke Beck
http://www.kristensguide.com

Thank you so much for sharing your story and to know that there are others out there, like us. To offer inspiration and support is one of the true gifts we can give to others.

Thank you again,
“Coping in Michigan”