Sometimes (okay a lot of times) when I read about an ex attempting to get one of the good readers of GPYP to break NC, this phrase comes to mind. Like every time.
-
Most Popular Posts (past 24 - 48 hrs)
- Deciding Not To Decide
- 11/18 Check-in Thread
- On Getting Through The Holidays
- Getting Past Your Breakup
- 12/29 TFTD ~ When The Person You Love Doesn't Love You
- The Post-Breakup No-No List
- The Emotions of Grief During A Breakup
- The Person Who Left Me Doesn't Miss Me
- Working Through Emotional Pain
- On Being Friends With The Ex
- Deciding to Move On
- Time Does Not Heal All Wounds
-
Reader Comments
- movingon11 on 11/18 Check-in Thread
- johnnyalias on On Being Friends With The Ex
- greenroses73 on 11/18 Check-in Thread
- movingon11 on 11/18 Check-in Thread
- greenroses73 on 11/18 Check-in Thread
- movingon11 on 11/18 Check-in Thread
- greenroses73 on 11/18 Check-in Thread
- Rhea on 11/18 Check-in Thread
- genevieve333 on 11/18 Check-in Thread
- esw1julie on Deciding Not To Decide
- greenroses73 on On Getting Through The Holidays
- esw1julie on On Getting Through The Holidays
- esw1julie on Deciding Not To Decide
- greenroses73 on 11/18 Check-in Thread
- imhopeful on 11/18 Check-in Thread
This is a Bananahead Free Zone!
Getting Past Your Breakup
Click HERE to order Getting Past Your Breakup
VISIT THE BOOK WEBSITE:
GPYB WebsiteJune 6, 2009 Book Seminar Press Release
GPYP PRESS, ARTICLES and EXPERT COMMENTARY
Facebook
Blogger Awards
Thanks to my readers, GPYP was voted Best in Category (Relationships and Sex) and one of the top 100 blogs! THANK YOU ALL!!!
GPYP Audio NOW AVAILABLE
GPYP Recommended Books and Products
These are the most influential books and authors on my work. Click on link to go to their available works pm Amazon.
I love Moleskine for my journals. These are sites about the wonderful parchment. :)
As mentioned on the blog: Torch Song Trilogy
It's Time
Sound Oasis Sound Therapy System
Breathing: The Master Key to Self Healing (The Self Healing Series)
Green Tea Zen Calming Spa Bath and Body Set - a great Gift Basket for Her!
The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
Relaxation Spa Bath & Body Care Package Gift Basket with Teddy Bear
Helpful Columns
Email Support Groups
Join GPYB Email support group at Yahoo groups.
Click to join gettingpastyourbreakup
Click to join womenwholovetoomuch (women only)
Abuser Pwned by Judge Judy
The Michael A. DiCarlo Brain Tumor Foundation
Other Posts
Technorati and Blogrolling
Click Here To Add GPYP to Your Blogroll!
Subscribe or Share GPYP!
GPYP Visitor Locations
GPYP is copyrighted
Follow GPYP on Twitter
- Michael: An Inattentive Life: I try to go through the stuff in the garage and basement just a bit at a time. It.. http://bit.ly/07AJlNf 18 hours ago
- Anniversary Remembrance: I didn’t think I would have as hard a time with my birthday/anniversary as I am .. http://bit.ly/67sRL2 1 day ago
- GPYP blog entry: Deciding Not To Decide: I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to a... http://bit.ly/5qgLsQ 1 day ago
-
GPYP's Most Popular Links
Days of Blog Posts
Feedburner Feed- Deciding Not To Decide
- On Getting Through The Holidays
- 11/18 Check-in Thread
- Working Through Emotional Pain
- Time Does Not Heal All Wounds
- Forgiveness Redux
- Mail. We Get Mail When They Were or Are A Drug Addict
- Mail. We Get Mail on OCD and Long Distance and Choosing
- 11/8 Check-in Thread
- Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda Redux
-
Most Recent Posts
- Deciding Not To Decide
- On Getting Through The Holidays
- 11/18 Check-in Thread
- Working Through Emotional Pain
- Time Does Not Heal All Wounds
- Forgiveness Redux
- Mail. We Get Mail When They Were or Are A Drug Addict
- Mail. We Get Mail on OCD and Long Distance and Choosing
- 11/8 Check-in Thread
- Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda Redux
- The Person Who Left Me Doesn’t Miss Me
- Predicting the Future by the Past
- Breaking NC: Danger!
- The Horror That Can Be Reconcilliation
- Grief and Depression Posts
Meta
that is very funny.. the “does not compute” always goes through my head. In the past I’ve often thought “oh, my computer must be wrong, will listen anyway”. Then I’m straight back into the danger zone.
In the future, will really listen to my brain telling me it “does not compute” (aka “that makes no sense” and “you said WHAT? afer how you acted? Nope, NC, I’m not responding”).
and danger! danger!
That was my favorite show as a kid.
LOL…
I have been saying “danger, danger, Will Robinson” for 3 yrs!!!
And I am saying it now.
My favorite is “This does not compute!” Haha! Thanks so much for sharing this Susan. :)
I think “I cannot accept that course of action” is a good one to remember too!
If you have someone who is abusive in any way, the breaking of NC, especially over and over again, can truly become dangerous.
I guess sometimes it’s hard because not all ex’s are bananaheads. That doesn’t make the healing easier though.
yeah i agree…i don’t believe in black/white rules as it depends on the nature of the relationship you had, the pain involved, the ”acceptance” and such, too….was reading an illuminating post on another website outining the painful break of a 5 yr relationship and now they do talk…so it depends…sometimes it can lead to ‘reconcilliation’ too…sometimes it won’t….
for example i still go back and forth as per being friends with my ex down the road and oftentimes i miss the interaction with us…would i wish to never engage in contact with her…not sure…often it’s not only my wounds still healing (i hurt her too…it’s not a one way street) but often more than not my ego and pride ….sometimes i’m open to it reconnectin in some manner but sometimes i’m not….neither of us is a bad person, as i suspect most people are not too…we just instead both at times engaged in bananahead behaviours which I later regretted (and so did she) and hope to overcome/work on to become a better person)….but for now it’s NC to heal and to do just that: work on me to become a better person.
Thanks for your comment about it not being black and white. I made contact this week and we acted as friends, which makes me feel better. Can we be friends without doing some serious talking about what happened? Can we be friends if one of us finds someone else? Maybe not, maybe postponed. But for now I feel better.
well like most of life, ‘rules’ are just that: moral and behavioural guidelines…..IMO breaking NC all depends on where you are at in your healing…and what are your real motives…and how the relationship was when it ‘was’ and how it ended and your actions towards one another…
I know after my ex gal and I broke up in sept/08 (can’t believe it’s been THAT long…and what a lonely, tough journey at times, man…but so illuminating, too as a snake shedding a skin) …when we then ran into one another in april this year, she wanted to go for a walk and have a coffee to talk…i declined (she looked hurt)…I still gave her a few long hugs and talked briefly there, however, so i wasn’t a prick…but those actions (both hugging/talking and yet not wanting to go for a coffee…”i have yoga to get to” was my excuse) were nonetheless still MY boundaries of what (my ego) was willing to allow in terms of healing and interacting with some dignity…again had she been a really mean person I wouldn’t have even done that….this said even NOW i fear running into her for she’ll want to go and have a coffee/chat/apologize for her ‘i never loved you’ letter to me in how it hurt (i don’t really believe it as i hurt her, too at the end…tit for tat is the war of the roses (sigh).
…and i have friends who are good friends with their exes…but it took (and susan will no doubt concur) a good long while to get there….but everyone is different: for some interaction on a new level occured after 3-6 mo, for some after 1-2 years (etc)..and for somes still this occurs not at all…i mean i’ve read of such attempts later even when you ”think” you’re over it to try to ‘be friends’ …and then when you do get together s**t hits the fan eventually as all that vitriole from pain can come out again if it’s not be dealt with properly…ie, forgiving both oneself and the ex …you have to be aware (as susan would no doubt say again) of both your cognitions and emotions…and motives.
again for most of us (and i’m not talking abusive/harmful addiction ladden codependency here) we’re all trying to do the best we can given the baggage we have (past hurts from family friends and other love relationships) given the tools and knowledge that we have…we’re all stumbling towards happiness and falling and tripping plenty along the way….sometimes things end just because two parties simply were a bad match (loneliness/lust and a need for validation are three strong drivers) …sometimes just life and ‘change’ happens too and people grow apart, too….whatever.
and i’m still indecisive about my ex and contacting her (or not): i miss her tons alot of time…and despite her being with some guy that she’s now ‘engaged’ to (after all but 10 months…hmmmmmm i wonder about ”that”) i have no doubt she still thinks of me, too because we did have alot of great times and i don’t think we broke up for great reasons either (passive aggressiveness/being ‘nice’ not talking deep stuff/resolving deep stuff will breed a cancerous poison as we all know)…..it would be a shame to never interact with her again for my ego and pride…but for now as i continue to heal and try to move ahead, that’s the sole lifeboats i’m in…so have to for now stay NC.
Hugs to everyone as we all continue to strive to heal and eventually open ourselves to love and live again in a better form.
re; ”…. Can we be friends without doing some serious talking about what happened? Can we be friends if one of us finds someone else? Maybe not, maybe postponed. But for now I feel better”
you’ll find out…just continue building YOUR life and opening yourself to love in many new places/hobbies/people/ideas….maybe you’ll just be ‘civil’ and ‘not go there’ and contact each other on occasion…
funny but whenever later i’ve gotten together with exes it was a real closer for me…i would walk away thinking ”wtf?!…and i was hurting SO MUCH for YOU?…sheesh!…give my head a shake” …funny how it sure took them down off of the pedestal quickly…but again that was DOWN the road (not when I was in the midst of grovelling/wanting them back, lol)….but to each their own…some shut the door and move on to new loves, taking helen keller’s quote (as susan put on one of these) to heart…god bless those stronger people…i wish i had their resilency.
and for the record: despite my assertion of having alot of good times with my ex there were also things that drove me crazy with her and ‘us’, too..so maybe it would have been better to been just activitiy companions afterall…doesn’t matter i know…so i know that some of my ”missing her” is not all about her inasmuch as the memorable times i had with another person sharing life (though she did have many good qualities too)
Ok, I need some help to stay NC today. Ex is coming over to pick up some things in a couple of hours. I had planned to stay away as I’ve done every time he’s come by previously, but I’m sick today and I don’t think I’m up to going outside (it’s cold and rainy and I feel feverish). I feel really shaky (emotionally and physically) and I know I’ll just break down in tears if I see him.
And Lisaleesa, you’re right, not all exes are bananaheads. Mine is the nicest guy and I know I won’t be able to take all that damn nicess.
So what do I do? Can I just stay in the bedroom with the door closed and hope he thinks I’m sleeping because I’m sick? Saying some mantra to keep me from getting up and seeing him anyway? I don’t quite trust myself.
jco7,
I would have to leave so as not to be there when he comes by; it would be too painful for me whatever he does or doesn’t do/say. I also couldn’t trust myself not to say/do things I’ll regret. Also, if you’re sick and feeling weak, it might be overall easier to leave your home for awhile than to deal with being there when he comes by.
Remember that you can always contact him tomorrow if you really want to, but once you break contact it can’t be undone.
Annette
Thank you for replying Annette. He came, he left, I stayed NC.
I really wasn’t feeling well, so I stayed barricaded in my bedroom feeling a little ridiculous and immature for not even going out to say hi, but I figured it was more important to avoid the pain. It was strange hearing him unlock the door, open drawers, all those familiar noises. We haven’t seen each other for a month, and knowing he was on the other side of that door was so odd. For a minute I felt like “wow, I can’t believe it’s really him, the one I’m missing, here’s my chance to see him and talk to him” – like he was some movie star :-)
But I stayed put, he left after half an hour, I shed a few tears but I feel ok. He’s moving out this weekend, so soon I won’t have to worry about these situations anymore.
I’m so glad about the no contact rule. If I hadn’t found this site I would probably have thought it necessary to keep having long painful discussions with the ex. Most people seem to think that’s natural. My friends are surprised when I say I don’t want to see him now, and maybe never.
A month after the breakup I’m still in a lot of pain, but I think I’d be worse off if I’d stayed in contact (even the necessary emails have been awful to read). So this is progress I guess.
Congratulations on being that strong!! I would not have been able to do that. You’re an inspiration to me to do what I know I need to do.
Take care,
Annette
Wow, I’m really impressed – that took a lot of guts, I don’t think I could have done it.
Thanks Annette and musingmirella. I wasn’t sure i could do it either, but one thing that helped me was knowing that I had posted about it beforehand. I think I did that to help myself stay strong – “I can’t break NC, the blogreaders know about it” :-)
It’s nice to be able to say something positive, and to once again confirm that NC is a good thing, for me at least.
So thank YOU!
jc07
Yay for you! Do something nice for yourself today. You deserve it!
“I can’t break NC, the blogreaders know about it” :-)
LOL jco7, whatever works!
Seriously, that was so strong of you. You rock!
I’m pretty ill myself right now, and though I’ve been on my own for quite a long time, there’s still that feeling of, “Oh, if only I had someone to bring me soup and sit on the side of the bed and tell me how wonderful I am and whatever.” It must have been a temptation to try and find that from the ex. (The movie star himself! Star of numerous unpleasant dramas, no doubt!)
Well, thank G-d, I have friends bringing me soup, and I’m telling myself how wonderful I am… Wishing you the same. And may we all heal — physically, emotionally, and spiritually — from whatever ails us, and move on to find partners who value us as much as we learn to value ourselves.
Desert Rain
Canali1,
I totally agree – Neither of us are bad people, we just made a mistake. I understand the whole NC thing, but I work with him and care a great deal about him as he cares about me. But we realized we did something we shouldn’t have and should one of our situations change, maybe something could happen, but for now, we’re focused on being friends and supporting one another at work. Sure it would be easier if we didnt see each other every day, but neither of us are quitting our jobs or leaving in this economy. But thats just me.
Amber
UGH – I just fell right into the danger! I work part-time at two different and both very small companies – let’s call them A and B – and the ex is in the same field as me and has dealings with both companies. He just texted me (after two weeks NC) “Mirella, are you at Company A today?” So I thought, right, maybe this is a work thing and he needs me to email him a file or something, and texted back “No”, because I’m at B. And then he texted back “OK, I was just walking past and I wondered.” So now I know that he is in town at the moment and am having to sit on my hands again not to get in touch. Ugh. But I WILL NOT let the contact go any further.
Now why did he have to do that? How unnecessary. Good luck sitting on your hands. You can do it!
Thanks jco! The urge has passed and I’m good now. But it was quite a good if scary lesson – for about twenty minutes I totally caught myself doing the mental gymnastics: “it couldn’t hurt just to meet him for coffee, he’s not some kind of monster, it would be good to catch up”. Um, NO. He’s not a monster, no, yes it can feel good to see him, but in the long term it just KEEPS ME STUCK and I have had ENOUGH. So so glad I resisted the urge to pick up the phone. Posting this to remind myself if it happens again.
That was my favorite show as a kid. I even made my own
Lost in Space paper dolls.I wanted to be Penny so bad!
When I freak out about something I always hear the robot’s voice in my head, so this was great to find here. Another mantra I’ve had since I can remember is IT JUST DOESN”T MATTER!!! from the movie Meatballs. And yesterday when I reread When the Person You Love Doesn’t Love You, I was surprised and excited when I found the clip of that very scene!!! Bless you Susan!!!
Stuck & Confused !!
I have read the book 2x and I understand the process but my situation is a little different. I cheated I got dumped, we own a home together 2/3 of the title is mine and she is the only person on the mortgage. We have lived under the same roof; in seperate rooms for 2 months !! I have no-where to go or move too. In the middle of this I lost my job. My depression, anxiety, remorse, fear is controlling my life. I don’t know how to get unstuck or even follow the NC rule. I have avoided her texting, phone calls, emails, but when where both at home we start to bicker about who leaves and who goes. I really don’t know what to do; I am going to the gym 2x a day, church on sunday’s and attending a 12 step program for love nad sex addicts, and my doctor has me on 2 depression medications. I love this women and I understand why this happened and the problems I have to fix within me to be healthy. I don’t want to let go; as uncomfortable as it seems…………
Please help !!
Help! I guess I just need to “blog” it out. NC for 6 months until I broke it. I moved out of state and found a good deal in an area not too far from where he lives. Sounds like I want to be closer to him? No. My best friend lives here too and I want to be closer to her. A friend suggested I invite him for coffee. I did and I am regretting it now. He replied and said yes we can meet up and he will even show me around. He asked where I’m living now (He knows I’m in the same city ). I told him where I live and the days I will be off so we can plan something. He didn’t reply after that. This is driving me crazy.
My friend, who is a year and a half out of her drama-riddled relationship, just got another email from her ex — he sends one every few months to talk about how great he’s doing (yeah right) and then to ask her for drinks. She never replies.
This time, she said it caught her off guard and she felt angry and then started crying, and that it made her feel disappointed in herself because she thought she was over it.
Thing is, I think you CAN be over it and still have a bad reaction to hearing from an ex or breaking NC. It can serve as an emotional trigger and a reminder of a painful, poignant time. Who needs either of those things? That’s why I think it’s best to just stay away.
I was disappointed at myself for breaking NC. But I think it was better that he did not reply after promising me a tour and meeting for coffee because now I am upset. It confirmed the fact that he is acting like a coward. I know I am not over it and I just can’t wait to be over it. I have to be free. I need to be free.
Hello Everyone,
I am so glad to see that this website is still alive and well.
It saved my a** when I was really hurting from the last breakup back in 2008.
I read voraciously and I wrote quite a bit and it really helped me get through a horible time in my life.
Well, the reason I am back is because it happened again(the same person broke up with me again)!
Let me explain. We got together in October of 2003, and have had a history of breaking up & getting back together again (I don’t even know how many times it has happened). The pattern is always the same: she breaks it off, and then at some point she contacts me and we end up back together.
This last time that we broke up (March 2008) is when I found this site and first heard about No Contact, and I stuck to it for 7 long months (God was it hard in the beginning!). Anyway, after the 7 months, she came knocking on my door and said that she wanted to make an amends to me (we are both in AA), and I was a bit angry (and confused, and anxious) and was kind of mean at first, but I could see that she was really upset and I asked her
“What is it that you want from me?” and she aked if we could go somewhere and talk. So we did. I should mention that in some of the breakups she went back to her ex (which was the case this time as well). Well, we talked for 5 hours, and come to find out, her ex had kicked her out of his car in a bad part of a local city because they fighting, and it sounded to me like she was finally done with him, so I said that I would like to see her again. Long story short, we got back together again.
In the little over a year since we had been back together, the relationship finally seemed to be working pretty good and there were no major problems. The last year has been pretty tough in other areas of my life (I quit one of my part time jobs to take a full time job that I ended up hating, and went back to my old job at a lower rate of pay, so my money situation kind of sucks), so I have been a bit depressed.
Anyway, her and I were getting along good (even though we didn’t get to see each other much because of our work schedules), but in the last month (and especially the last week), I could feel distance between us, and last Saturday night she dropped the bomb on me.
Some of the reasons that she gave were true to a certain extent (about me not really pursuing better employment (even though I have applied for several jobs), and me slacking up on my 12-step program), but in the past she has used the same reasons, while behind the scenes she was already with, or planning to be with, her ex. She said that this time there was not another man involved, but do I believe her? (not really).
All that being said, here I am struggling not to call her and try to bargain with her (which I did on Saturday night, like an idiot!), but I intend to stick to NC again no matter what.
One thing that I wanted to mention is this little game I play with my cell phone. I leave it in silent mode, so that “just because I don’t hear the phone ring doesn’t mean that she hasn’t called” (and because I kind of don’t want to talk to her), and I check it periodically to see if she has called (pretty messed up, huh?). Has anyone else done things like this?
And even after all the pain that she has put me through, there is still some part of me that loves her and wants to get back with her (even more messed up).
They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, so I guess I am a bit insane.
Anyway, I am doing OK so far, but it really hasn’t sunk in yet, and when it does, I will be a hurting mess.
The good news is that this has lit a fire under my a**, and I have commited myself to go to 90 12-step meetings in ninety days (and I do not have the urge to drink), and to go through the 12 steps again with my sponsor. I also looked for and applied to some jobs today, and tomorrow
(really later on today), I am going to a local college to get some info about going back to school again. I have also called about some counseling, and have re-connected with some friends that I had kind of dropped while I was in the relationship (good co-dependent that I am).
It will be a rough road, but by now at least I know what to do to get through this, and I am not alone.
Thanks Again GPYP!!!
scottod
P.S. – Sorry for such a long post, but I just had to get it out, and writing (or typing it) out helps me to sort through it all.
Hey scottod,
I can relate to the “One thing that I wanted to mention is this little game I play with my cell phone. I leave it in silent mode, so that “just because I don’t hear the phone ring doesn’t mean that she hasn’t called” (and because I kind of don’t want to talk to her), and I check it periodically to see if she has called (pretty messed up, huh?). Has anyone else done things like this?”
I do the same kind of thing… only I turn it off and then only check it at lunch and after work… I tell myself this is saner (!) because I am controlling when I check my phone and not waiting around for there to be a text… problem is… what do you think I secretly wish for every time I check? And then when there is no message… I have to start all over telling myself “it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter” because this is what you want… you want NO CONTACT.
My longest NC has been 10 days.. and then he texted me and it took me a whole 24 hours of seething about it before I texted him back. And of course, I became hopeful again and a mess and had to start all over.
I have totally blown it now because I emailed him once each day for the past 3 days. The first was in response to an email he sent. The second was to tell him of my latest Mantra… I guess to prove how strong I was becoming! And the third was a forward of an article I thought he would be interested in… now, come on… we all know why I keep in touch. It is pathetic.. but I am not pathetic. I am intelligent. I know this is difficult and I forgive myself and I will start NC again. I know I will succeed and feel good … eventually.
This is what we have to keep telling ourselves. We can do this!
I have been very good about no contact this second week after the breakup. I’ve also been working to delete e-mails and contact information. It’s been very difficult, but I understand that is what need to happen. Most difficult has been doing it in “pieces,” when I get nerve to open one of my e-mail accounts and sort my inbox and outbox by his name. It really is hard, and I suggest you turn off your preview pane while you are doing it.
I know of another ex of his who intituted a “no-contact” policy with him. Her situation is even more complicated because she has reason to cross paths with him at work. As I understand it, she makes sure she isn’t even in the room when he is around. He used to comment on this as “kinda weird.” I think it really preplexed him and frankly was a little bit of a red flag to me.
My question is this: Would it be selfish of me to approach this other no-contact ex and offer my support? This is not about him or exacting any revenge, but I’m afraid I would be intruding on her healing & resolve. Then again, maybe not.
This is the first ex I’ve ever considered this policy with, so my own experience is limited. I do think NC is the way to go.
PS — Waiting like crazy for my book! I’m already thinking of ordering a second to stock in my local public library.
Why would you want to approach her? She is part of his past as well, and going NC includes pretty much everyone that is or was in some way connected to him.
What is your motive? Was she a close friend of yours? I would leave her alone and focus on my own healing – and stay NC.
Thanks for your feedback GR. It really does seems selfish for me to intrude on her life as it would be if anyone pushed in on mine. I have to be honest and in some way maybe I was looking for an ally? Or validation that what he did/does is wrong?
I need to keep my nose down & work on my own healing, you are 100% correct.
Focus on you. To me, the question is not whether you would be “selfish” or not. The question is why YOU would need to do that. You seem to come up with some helpful answers, that will support you in becoming your own best ally :) btw, thanks for your comment on the other thread.
Hi Everyone,
It’s day 9 of No Contact, and I am coming out of my skin. I feel so empty and alone, and my emotions are all strirred up.
I can’t stop thinking (obsessing) about her and the “open-ended” things that she said when she broke it off on Saturday 11/5.
When I asked her if she loves me she said “yes”, and when I tried to bargain with her and told her that I would got to 90 AA meetings in 90 days, re-connect wih my sponsor, seek better employment, etc., she said something like “we’ll talk in 90 days”. She also said “if it’s meant to be, we’ll be together”, “I’m not going anywhere”, and “I need to re-group”.
These statements have me hanging on to the hope that we will get back together again (even though evry time we do, I end up in this situation again).
I know, I know, I should just let her/it go, but it’s not easy, and I keep telling myself that I love her, but at this point it has definitely become an addiction.
I am doing some positive stuff to help deal with it (this site, counseling, 12 step meetings, exercise, etc.), and I talked with someone today about it after a meeting. He said that I need to just have faith in my higher power (step 2), and to just let it go (step 3), but I am still struggling, and I get the urge to call her all the time.
I am praying for the obsession to be removed when it does happen, but I am still anxious and scared (of being alone forever). I can’t believe that this is happening again, and I am definitely not looking forward to the holidays.
My mind keeps remembering the previous breakups and the amount of time that passed between the breakup and when we got back together again, and other than the 7 months that passed this last time (when she was back with her ex), the longest one was 5 weeks, so my crazy mind thinks that she will be contacting me in a few weeks (especially since she told me that this time she is not with anyone else).
We have been apart during Thanksgiving in the 6 years of this on again off again relationship , but never during Christmas, and as I said before I am dreading the next couple of months.
Anyway, I need help and support, so please reply with any feedback, advice, or guidance.
HELP!!!!
scottod
Okay, I’m dropping a note here because I am absolutely HOT. The ex just sent me an e-mail wondering if I wanted to do something together tomorrow. It’s ten at night, and he’s letting me know I could join him – two hours away from my home – to be so HONORED to do SOMETHING with him outside his very own backdoor.
SERIOUSLY, come-on, SERIOUSLY??
Anyway, I’ve got a running race planned for tomorrow and I’m really really looking forward to it. It pisses me off that after I’m getting really comfortable with myself and doing things I enjoy again, Chucklehead interjects & I’m getting rattled.
I will not respond. I will be getting up at 4:00 am to for this race (I am decidedly NOT a runner, but this is a famous run in my neck of the woods) and run my tiny little IN ONE PIECE AGAIN heart out.
*Danger* * Danger*
Some things never change…
Good for you, engineer! That race sounds fantastic and there’s no reason to let him ruin that for you. You are right that some things never change.
You run your heart out!
Run as fast you can. Away from him, that is! Run, run, run and give yourself credit for your own strength. You rock!
engineer, the only reply is no reply but it sounds like you already have that figured. Moron, but at least he will get the idea from your complete lack of … well, any interest at all really …
TangoLola