This is a great article that one of our erstwhile readers sent me. PLEASE do not let FB import your contacts etc. It can lead to very bad things. Heed the privacy controls. And hey, let’s be careful out there. (h/t HSBs)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31684082/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets
just a tip….FB has a block option and I used it to block every known email address that belongs to my ex. I can’t see him and he can’t see me!
It’s possible that they could also suggest friends (including an ex) based on mutual “facebook friends” in addition to the contact importer. Some people might think this is harsh, but in addition to un-friending my ex, I also unfriended HIS facebook friends (i.e. his real friends who added me as a facebook friend after we started dating). I didn’t want to know any of his facebook whereabouts (wall posts, comments, photos) appearing on their activities and then coming back to me in the form of status updates.
I did the same thing- cleaned house and got rid of anyone who was his friend or who might give me visibility to him, or him to me. I felt kind of bad about unfriending a couple of them, but I had to do it as part of NC.
In the first couple of weeks that I did it (un-friended his friends), I felt ENORMOUS guilt about it. I didn’t have anything personal against these people, and I thought they were all very nice (including my ex). I kept on hearing thoughts like “they’re all going to think you’re crazy/vindictive” or “they’re gonna hate you for un-friending them.”
But the point finally came where I realized, I’m not going to live and enjoy my life if I keep on seeking the approval of other people. I was hurting bad, and I needed to be there for me first and foremost. So whatever they were thinking or feeling, it doesn’t matter. I have to protect and take care of myself.
I just kept telling myself that I needed to do this for ME. Even though it was a civil breakup, I was still hurting. And from past experience, I knew that I would be tempted to check out their profiles to find news of him.
It’s been four weeks since my breakup, and I think it was a smart decision.
Yes, that’s what I thought also (the mutual facebook friends thing). I have a pic of my first boyfriend from 1000 years ago popping up as a suggestion here and there, but that is not irritating me (I only wonder if he uses a picture from like 1992 or what ;-). I agree, check your facebook privacy controls if annoyed!
Yet another reason for me never to join Facebook. Thanks! :)
Not facebook but kind of relevant…..I remember on here it said to delete your exes from your contact lists.
I had an old hotmail account, I check it but don’t use it that much as I got it 14 years ago and now full of spam. But I didn’t delete my contact list. Recently, someone or some robot hacked it and sent out spam to that list.
It contacted at least two ex-boyfriends, and one of them felt obliged to contact me to let me know my computer may have a virus and to tell me where he was living….. not a biggie but I really didn’t want to hear from him, I’d left him but I later found out he’d met someone 15 years younger (via facebook when he stopped talking to me), and he “accidentally” included me on the email he sent out saying how excited he was that she wanted to marry him. I replied to say thanks and he ignored that.
Anyway, I’ve now learnt that I should delete my contacts, no matter what, as you don’t know what may happen. I wasn’t feeling great at the time, and didn’t need the past dredged up.
(I used to just be Chrisell)
It’s interesting that the article said that clicking the little ‘x’ in the corner of the friend suggestion will stop the person from appearing again. That’s nonsense. There’s some people for whom it doesn’t matter how many times I click the little ‘x’, they keep popping up in friend suggestions again! The FB team need to spend a little more time using their own applications, I think.
But celina33 is spot on – if there’s someone you don’t want to see or hear from who pops up on FB, go into your settings and add them to your block list. Once you do that, you cannot see their profile, cannot see where they’ve written on your friends’ walls, etc. As far as your profile is concerned, their profile doesn’t exist. And it works the other way around too – they can’t see you, find you, read anything you’ve said.
All of my recent exes are on my block list, along with a couple of ex-friends. Works a treat!
Hi Chrisell! Good to see your name!! Hope you are well :) (I used to be Julie – well still am LOL)
Yahoo’s new profile/connection/mail page does the same thing. Only when you’ve gone through and deleted every idiotic suggestion it gives you, and you’ve gotten it down to the last name or two, it won’t let you not have someone there. It will keep “suggesting” those last couple of names no matter how many times you attempt to “x” out of them. Very annoying. It also did the same thing that it sounds like fb did. It started sending me suggestions of “new connections” from people that were recipients of mail from people who had emailed me. Rank strangers to me, though.
Fortunately I set my Facebook up with a new email. I won’t get any blast from the past because my name and email is different than what they may have.
Any suggestions on mutual friends that are friends with both my ex and I. I feel bad deleting them because they are my friends and don’t think it’s right for me to ask them to un friend the ex. I deleted the ex and her friends to help with NC, I just don’t know what to do about the mutual friends, it is pretty annoying to see her posts on their stuff.
Thanks for any suggestions!