Rebuild it

Oh, my friend, it’s not what they take away from you that counts. It’s what you do with what you have left. – William Cowper

Most of you know that:

Once upon a time I was living in Dysfunction Junction with The Mother of All Bananaheads. And one day the twisted little drama that was my life came to an end. And I thought my LIFE had come to an end. I was bereft and inconsolable. I had lost my job, my marriage, my house, a house we had planned on buying (it was going to be THE house where the boys would grow up), and several friends–all in the span of less than six weeks.

I had lost and I was lost.

I felt as if my heart and soul were just giant black holes with the void of the universe whooshing through them.

I cried all day and walked the floor at night. My heart pounded and my hands shook and my ex was happily canoodling with a woman he started seeing before we split. I couldn’t wrap my brain around how my entire world could end so suddenly and how I would ever bear the pain of all the loss.

Those first few months were very hazy but I had been stripped bare and picked clean. I had absolutely nothing and the only way to go was up. I didn’t really have a choice.

My comfort zone was non-existent and my frame of reference was shattered. I HAD to think of things in a new way, do things in a new way and find some way to make myself whole again. I read books, I went to therapy, I went to support groups, I took up new hobbies. I chased it and chased it and chased it.

Although it seemed like an EXCRUCIATINGLY long time back then, it was only a few months before I started to feel better.

Time does not heal all wounds, it’s what you do in that time that heals the wounds.

I worked and worked and worked.

Later on I would study how people change at the academic level and, believe it or not, I had done a lot of the things they talked about.

Sometimes falling apart is the thing you need to do to put yourself together RIGHT.

Not everyone gets there. For some people the work is too hard, the road is too long and the new stuff is too damn uncomfortable. They want to go back to what they KNOW even if what they know is what has made them miserable. If you are changing and growing, even if it’s hard and it hurts, count yourself lucky. Throw yourself into the work. Read, write, go to therapy, go to support groups, go to 12-step meetings, chase it chase it chase it. Resist the urge to not change. Resist the urge to stay stuck.

After living in Dysfunction Junction, I learned how to do things in a healthy way. Not easy and not simple…but I went on to have a happy, secure life where I have done some amazing things while the Mother of All Bananaheads is still living in Dysfunction Junction only with a new and more ridiculous co-conspirator in his craziness. So even though I was crying and walking the floors when we broke up and he went off to canoodle, I was the one who won. I was the one who had nothing and from nothing I was able to build my world and my life the way I wanted it. No consultation with others needed.

Sometimes losing everything is the key to gaining much. Especially wisdom and self-reliance.

No one should happily welcome change and loss (because if you do they tend to put you away), but see it as an opportunity to grow in ways you’ve never imagined. If it seems very dark and dim, please do not give up the day before the miracle happens.

Keep reaching…it’s there. Even in the darkest hours, it is there.

Rebuild it and peace of mind will come.