Three things:
1) spoiler alert. Don’t read the thread if you haven’t yet seen the movie and don’t want the ending spoiled.
2) I’m not an SATC fan, although all my friends are. The show drove me nuts for a variety of reasons (I would not even know where to begin and got tired of arguing about it with my friends) and I have no plans to see the movie but a reader wrote and asked me to post her response to the movie and I will following the jump.
3) You do not have to confine discussion to SATC. You can also talk about cultural messages and the moving on process in general. (movies, tv, songs)
Cultural messages: Helpful? Hurtful?
How do cultural messages help or hinder your moving on process?
Do cultural messages make you feel like a failure?
Do you think everything is supposed to end happily coupled?
Is that just the way it is?
How about the breakup and makeup reunited scenarios….I left you and was miserable and realized you were the one…how has that played into your moving on process?
“I went to see the movie last night and while I was really looking forward to some girl empowerment moments, I ended up with a different experience. The stories, heavy breakup pain and coping related, ended happily. Ah… that is so… not usual? My alter ego wanted to stand up and say – Come on folks, that is not how it happens!
I know it was commercial and had to have what the audience craves but seeing the ending was a reality check for me and what I have learned this past year. At the risk of giving away an ending, there were huge hurts that were forgotten and everyone kissed and made up. Perhaps, with the movie opening being so well received, there will be some relapsing with some readers. I know I had some uncomfortable dreams last night myself and had to do some journaling to address these feelings
.”Thoughts? How does SATC and other cultural messages impede the moving on process?
That is so funny, I had the same exact experience! The movie bummed me out on a number of levels the night I saw it. I actually wondered if Susan would address it because it goes against SO many principles of GPYP. There’s a total feeling of “love conquers all” in it, where no matter what horrendous things a person does to you, if they love you, all is forgiven.
***Spoilers below****
What Big does to Carrie, time and time again over the years, and in this movie, is unforgiveable. It would never be a “happy ending” for her to end up with a man who has played emotional games with her for a decade and then ditches her at the alter. How can I possibly cheer when she takes back such a man for the thousandth time?
I actually almost felt myself scream “DON’T DO IT!” at the screen. That’s how enraged I was.
The other storylines are a bit more complex–if a wonderful husband cheats one time and comes clean, should it all be over? not necessarily–but this one in particular really ticked me off.
One of the reasons the show bothered me was the dysfunction (not to mention the emphasis on shoes and shopping). And the Carrie/Big story line drove me to want to jump out the window. I just couldn’t watch it most of the time.
And to watch my friends extoll its virtues while mirroring its dysfunction and paying $600 for a pair of shoes…well I just had to click it off.
GPYP v. SATC
hmm….I may just have to see the movie and take the challenge.
I always had trouble with Samantha’s character on SATC. It just seemed so sad. So the woman acts badly with sex just as some (definitely not all!) do. What’s good about that?
I remember reading that so many of the story lines came from the writer’s lives and friends’ lives…
I meant to write “just as some men (definitely not all) do”.
More spoilers…
Susan and Moving On… One of the huge impacts GPYP has made in my life is to show me that other people experience the same things that I do BUT no one talks about.
For “entertainment” and some great one liners, Sex in the City is a good distraction. A tag line for the series could be: take what you need and leave the rest. One from the movie I liked is when Miranda is asking Carrie why she revisits something about Big and Carrie responds, “Because I am an emotional cutter.” Yep – been there. I saw both of these women take on a whole lot of responsibility for the problems in their respective relationships and I was wondering, “are the guys crying and wringing their hands and why aren’t they stepping up to fix everything?” So much of what they experienced was symptomatic of a bigger picture.
Culturally, women are portrayed in three phases: looking, married or getting over someone only to be out looking, etc. Typically, independent woman, who aren’t wearing a cape or doing some other miraculous feat, aren’t portrayed often in the media and certainly must have an audience. Sex in the City is the opposite of a reality show to me. I could no more justify $600.00 for my 400th pair of shoes anymore than I could have accepted Big back (Chris Noth – maybe ;). No now, now that I know myself better.
I am becoming comfortable with who I am and how I spend my time on my own. My life is easy and rewarding and limitless. Yes, I would like to have someone to spend time with, but for the most part, my life is really full and I get to decide what happens next. However, when I feel really insecure, I wonder if I am coping out and hiding. Will I be a person who never tried again out of fear and just grew old, self centered and collected cats? Am I banking on being ok on the path I am on and not paying attention to what I should be doing? Remember, this is the insecure part.
I still feel I have to keep my feelings to myself as far as how I am going to proceed with my future. People I know seem to remember the calendar and remind me that is time to “get out there and meet someone special.” I have to mapquest where “get out there” is because it must be a place I haven’t been and Mr. Right is waiting. I’ll add this my to do list.
Thanks Susan for shedding some light on the subject
Oh my God – Big jilts Carrie at the alter?!?! (I’m in Europe …)
I am a big fan of the show; there’s a lot of truth in it buried beneath the fancy shoes and sharp one-liners. It’s so rare to find a show about distinct single women who enjoy eachother’s company and make very typical, frustrating mistakes.
I love it. But I agree with the “take what you need and leave the rest” way of viewing it. Maybe it’s because it’s the first time I am watching a new installment of the show after learning so many things from my last relationship and finding this site, but the movie was deeply aggravating to me at times. I shouldn’t be watching the central 41-year-old woman and, at 27, wishing I could teach her what I know. It just seems backwards.
I always liked Samantha. She is who she is, rain or shine, no matter what. Her way of life might not be conventional but it works for her. She is always the one of the 4 I felt lived her life to the fullest and while she would sometimes let a man get close, it was never intended to complete her.
The “I left you, realized I was miserable and you were the one and I come crawling back to you and we live happily ever after” fantasy scenario has really affected me in breakups throughout my life. I wound up in an 8 year off and on “relationship” because I believed that kind of crap from watching movies where the guy would always realize he loved her after he lost her and would go running to her in the rain declaring his love (like on When Harry Met Sally for example) even before SATC. When my ex (that I was completely crazy about) would dump me in some crappy way or would cheat on me I would be totally miserable and then when he would call me I would take him backing thinking this was my Hollywood ending where he realized he really loved me when instead, I was probably being used for a booty call (in his eyes). In my eyes, he had realized I was the one and had come back. What a joke.
With the most recent ex of one year, I found myself thinking the same way and waiting around for him and in a state of hope. I kept thinking he would realize his mistake and come back. It took me FOREVER to give up that hope and to get over him. I still find myself on occasion wondering if it could happen. Sad but true. I can relate thinking this way to what I saw in movies as a teen.
Lisa Anne
lol….While on this subject I was just thinking of some other movies that particularly influenced me into thinking the ex would always come back and declare his undying love after a breakup…
“Pretty Woman”
“An Officer and a Gentleman”
“Boomerang”
“Love Actually”
“Legally Blonde” (and she even got to turn him down)
“Jerry Maguire”
“Pretty in Pink”
“Mystic Pizza”
I’m tired right now so I can’t think of many, but these are some of the ones I can think of that gave me an idealized stupid way of looking at breakups when I was very young and impressionable. I’m in my early 30s now but thought processes are hard to change. I can safely assume that SATC will influence impressionable women in much the same way keeping them hanging on for that Hollywood ending.
Lisa Anne
Oh no, I’m wondering whether to not bother watching the film now… It sounds like I could end up in Recycling city!
Here’s another review that talks about the same thing:
http://loveisdope.wordpress.com/2008/05/31/movie-review-sex-and-the-city-spoiler-alert/
I watched ONE episode of SATC and thought it was the biggest evening soap opera around. I could not follow the parts that writers apparently thought were funny or the idea that women fit into this category of miserable and single or happy and married. I think Carrie SCREAMS desperation and well, she does not appear very bright.
But, to each his own. It’s a weird show to me. I don’t wanna watch women wringing their hands over men…or friendship or anything else. There’s anough of that in real life. Why magnify it and give it a life of its own in Hollywood?
Lisa Anne,
I totally relate to what you said in comment # 8. I too fell in to the trap of believing that particular Hollywood story line. I had an ex, who I’d been split with for a few years, come back in to my life last year with the whole “I never forgot you, you were the one for me, please take me back” story, and I fell for it. At the time, I remember thinking “This is so romantic, it’s just like what you’d see in a movie.” Now, that should have been my first clue that something was amiss, but I so badly wanted to believe in fairytale endings that I went for it anyway.
We had a very intense and unhealthy relationship, for the second time, and then had a bad breakup that led me to GPYP. The funny thing is, before this guy I was much more level-headed about relationships in some ways. I believed that “happily ever after” only happened in movies, all relationships take work, etc. etc. And then, for a few months when he and I were first together, and we were in “relationship crack” honeymoon phase, I thought, “ah, now THIS is what people must be talking about when they talk about love, this must be the REAL DEAL that will last forever, sweet!” Not so much, as it turns out.
In other news Kung Fu Panda is getting rave reviews and it’s a story about finding your inner hero.
Perhaps THAT should be the GPYP mascot movie. :)
“Relationship Crack” –That just about sums up my relationship history, save my current one.
It is addiction behaviour, obsessional behaviour, compulsive behaviour…it’s everything a drug is…and equally as dangerous and just as hard to get sober…
And just think: My family dynamics mimicked addiction behaviour, yet no one drank or did drugs…I grew up with the impression that we were all VERY sober and PROPER and everyone else was just unhappy and sick. It was a rude awakening to discover the sickness was so pervasive, so debilitating and so elusive, but always there and undermining every step to getting healthy until dawn broke over marblehead as Susan says. The wake up was my divorce.
And to think too, that my ex-husband got me out of such sickness to a level of clarity he’ll never understand. Humm. Weird turn of events.
I saw the movie this weekend and cried the entire time almost and for quite a bit after. I related on so many levels to Carrie’s heartbreak – alone on New Years, moving out of their apartment, etc – and when the ending occurred I just couldn’t stop the “But I was supposed to be happy too” sobs. So terribly sad. When they showed the scenes of Charlettes character and she just beams with content that her man isn’t like the others and that she just has the perfect life, I couldn’t help but feel cynical. Don’t we all think that at one point? I know that I did. The forgiving theme of the movie made me almost break down and call him, luckily I went with close friends who brought me back down to earth. The movie just hit far too close to home.
Side note: I was surprised how little convincing it took for Carrie to agree to degrade herself as the last single girl.
I also saw the movie yesterday. I agree with Lisa Anne’s comments #8-9. That’s me too. After the movie I was so upset because the stories touched me too much. I realized that somewhere inside I still want the fairy tale. After everything that happened, I continue to want the movie ending with my ex. That make’s me mad at me. When something like this happens I feel like I am still just acting like I am moving on. So…. I am trying today to get back on track. I am trying to not be too hard on myself for feeling this way, and most importantly staying NC while I feel this weak.
I didn’t discover the series until it was in reruns, and even then
only because a friend loaned me her DVD collection of the show
when I was going through a breakup. I’d say I learned some
things about myself and relationships through that series, including, if not especially, what NOT to do–like the consequences of breaking NC with a huge loser like Mr. Big (although I wouldn’t have known to call it “breaking NC” at the time).
I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I will on Friday. Don’t mind
the spoilers, I’ve already been reading reviews. One
of them said the film doesn’t focus on the friendship between
the women at all, which already has me disappointed. That
was the aspect of the series that I most enjoyed, seeing their
romantic misadventures as secondary, but also entertaining.
The Carrie/Mr. Big thing lost its luster for me pretty quickly,
though, and I was pretty disillusioned with the ending when
he goes to get her in Paris. I didn’t believe Miranda’s character
at all when she told him to “Go get our girl.” Nope, the Miranda character the show had created up to that point would not
have suddenly accepted Mr. Big just because she didn’t like Carrie’s newest lover. The whole “damsel in distress” was such
a turn off. My gal pals and I were in agreement about that.
Carrie’s character had a great partner in Aidan, of course, but
she apparently struggled with intimacy issues so big (so “Mr. Big”?), she wasn’t able to get that water level up high enough
to maintain a relationship with someone like him. He moved on and got what he was looking for. Good for him. Good for all of us who do in the real world. I never enjoyed the show as much after he left. But I remember thinking that if a Mr. Aidan came into my life, I wouldn’t be a Miss Carrie. Not me, not anymore. And a certain kind of Aidan DID come into my life almost a year ago now, and I’d like to thank Carrie Bradshaw for demonstrating to me what NOT to do. OK, ok, I exaggerate. It was therapy and GPYP that showed me what not to do, but to a certain degree stories, written and visual, have been certain teachers since I learned how to read. I’m not a passive consumer of any story, show or movie. I can learn as much from an anti-heroine as I can a heroine. And I can tell the difference between the two.
Anyway, I don’t personally identify with any of the female protagonists, but I do see parts of myself in parts of each of them. I guess I just never took Carrie’s ridiculous fashion obsession or Samantha’s sexual promiscuity literally. The thing is, I think they are all caricatures, over the top– in the way, perhaps, the characters of Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld are/were. What is there to love about the characters of Seinfeld? Yet so many people do/did, because they are caricatures with certain flaws and traits that we can own in ourselves and accept in others more easily, perhaps, through exaggeration and humor.
What I like about watching SATC now, which I do so rarely anymore, is that what I’ve learned here (GPYP) has given me the theory, the words and concepts, so to speak, to explain why oh why the SATC women had such dysfunctional relationships and how, whether we like it or not, they really do mirror some of what is going on in the real world.
The cool place to be, I think, is the one where you can sit
back and watch and say to yourself (smugly, perhaps) “that’s a BAD relationship choice.” :) I’m pretty sure I will see the movie and be ticked off that they underestimated the intelligence and mental health of so many viewers, as if we are all still believers of fairy tales and grateful for one more ending that perpetuates their outdated messages.
Ah well. I’m still going to see it with my girl posse on Friday, and, as always, I’m sure there will be parts that I enjoy.
I thought I posted this, but don’t see it. If it shows up twice,
my apologies in advance:
I didn’t discover the series until it was in reruns, and even then
only because a friend loaned me her DVD collection of the show
when I was going through a breakup. I’d say I learned some
things about myself and relationships through that series, including, if not especially, what NOT to do–like the consequences of breaking NC with a huge loser like Mr. Big (although I wouldn’t have known to call it “breaking NC” at the time).
I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I will on Friday. Don’t mind
the spoilers, I’ve already been reading reviews. One
of them said the film doesn’t focus on the friendship between
the women at all, which already has me disappointed. That
was the aspect of the series that I most enjoyed, seeing their
romantic misadventures as secondary, but also entertaining.
The Carrie/Mr. Big thing lost its luster for me pretty quickly,
though, and I was pretty disillusioned with the ending when
he goes to get her in Paris. I didn’t believe Miranda’s character
at all when she told him to “Go get our girl.” Nope, the Miranda character the show had created up to that point would not
have suddenly accepted Mr. Big just because she didn’t like Carrie’s newest lover. The whole “damsel in distress” was such
a turn off. My gal pals and I were in agreement about that.
Carrie’s character had a great partner in Aidan, of course, but
she apparently struggled with intimacy issues so big (so “Mr. Big”?), she wasn’t able to get that water level up high enough
to maintain a relationship with someone like him. He moved on and got what he was looking for. Good for him. Good for all of us who do in the real world. I never enjoyed the show as much after he left. But I remember thinking that if a Mr. Aidan came into my life, I wouldn’t be a Miss Carrie. Not me, not anymore. And a certain kind of Aidan DID come into my life almost a year ago now, and I’d like to thank Carrie Bradshaw for demonstrating to me what NOT to do. OK, ok, I exaggerate. It was therapy and GPYP that showed me what not to do, but to a certain degree stories, written and visual, have been certain teachers since I learned how to read. I’m not a passive consumer of any story, show or movie. I can learn as much from an anti-heroine as I can a heroine. And I can tell the difference between the two.
Anyway, I don’t personally identify with any of the female protagonists, but I do see parts of myself in parts of each of them. I guess I just never took Carrie’s ridiculous fashion obsession or Samantha’s sexual promiscuity literally. The thing is, I think they are all caricatures, over the top– in the way, perhaps, the characters of Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld are/were. What is there to love about the characters of Seinfeld? Yet so many people do/did, because they are caricatures with certain flaws and traits that we can own in ourselves and accept in others more easily, perhaps, through exaggeration and humor.
What I like about watching SATC now, which I do so rarely anymore, is that what I’ve learned here (GPYP) has given me the theory, the words and concepts, so to speak, to explain why oh why the SATC women had such dysfunctional relationships and how, whether we like it or not, they really do mirror some of what is going on in the real world.
The cool place to be, I think, is the one where you can sit
back and watch and say to yourself (smugly, perhaps) “that’s a BAD relationship choice.” :) I’m pretty sure I will see the movie and be ticked off that they underestimated the intelligence and mental health of so many viewers, as if we are all still believers of fairy tales and grateful for one more ending that perpetuates their outdated messages.
Ah well. I’m still going to see it with my girl posse on Friday, and, as always, I’m sure there will be parts that I enjoy
[...] Getting Past Your Past: SATC Cultural Impact Discussion Love is Dope: SATC Review [...]
I’ve not been able to go to a movie or watch a video because everything always is the fairy tale ending. This week I watched August Rush with the kids and by the time the movie was over I was weeping. I wish life was this way – they always get back together. I know life isn’t this way and it hurts too much to watch. So I wont’ be watching movies for awhile until my heart heals and I can accept the fairy tale stories without becoming a weeping pile of tears.
No. 20’s pingback came from a good article:
http://secretsociologist.wordpress.com/2008/06/09/sex-and-the-city-breakup-movie/
I enjoyed that article. I did finally see the movie and agree that Carrie’s behavior in the movie was infuriating. Too bad.
I appreciated some aspects of the female bonding in the film, and I think it portrayed depression pretty well.
But in the end, I was disappointed. I laughed a lot, had some fun, but ultimately the inexplicable Carrie-Big reunion at the end made the movie a wash for me. I don’t know if I was more disappointed in that or in the fact that my girlfriends were so willing to overlook all the dysfunction. They didn’t appreciate my critique; they WANTED to love the movie. So did I, and parts of it I did, but I felt like a traitor when I pointed out the flaws.
Then I realized something. These are the same girlfriends with whom I have gone through the ups and downs of dating and relationships (theirs and mine) for the last 5 years. What’s changed is me. As I’ve done my recovery work and gotten so much healthier, while they just haven’t. One friend in particular went through a very difficult breakup in spring 07, when I was going through mine. I found GPYP and a great therapist, and she balked at therapy. (It was all “his” fault, she had nothing to do with why her relationship didn’t work, in her opinion. He WAS a liar and he did deceive her, but what was HER water level? She refused to explore that.) I didn’t date for
4 + months; she immediately began dating, expecting each subsequent man she met to fulfill her. She left her teaching position to move into administration, although she is feeling depressed because administration isn’t what she really wants (but she has “nothing else to do” with her time since she doesn’t have a relationship). She is selling the house she poured her heart and soul into remodeling and put a down payment on an amazing condo that will be difficult to afford, impossible if she ever wants to leave administration. She has been distant and avoiding any of us who are coupled for some time. I call her, not as often as before, but she never calls me.
And, referencing my earlier post, the last thing I feel is smug. I feel sad. Sad that this amazing, beautiful woman doesn’t know how deserving she is of the great relationship she seeks, or even what that relationship should really look like. Sad because she doesn’t think she has any issues to deal with from her past, even though her alcoholic father abandoned her when she was a child.
I care about this friend. But it’s hard to be friends now because I have changed. The last time we had coffee together, she shared that she is seeing someone new. He’s a banker, good looking, well-traveled, 47 and never married. Perfect, she said.
The only problem is that they saw each other 5 times in the first week and then he stopped calling her and stood her up on their last scheduled Saturday night date. She said she had been calling him, DAILY, and finally he called her back and they met to “talk about it.” He wants to go slowly. He stood her up because she mentioned they might be joined by another couple she knows (at the event they were supposed to go to), and he didn’t want to be a “public couple” yet.
You can all see where this is going, right?
She asked for my advice, so I gave it to her–GPYP style. :)
I said, “friend, stop calling the man.” I encouraged her to step back and observe his behavior and at the very least give him some time and space to miss her. I cautioned that although she is a fabulous woman with a busy life, she would appear needy and desperate by calling him like that. I told her to watch for red flags (like 47 and never married–not necessarily a bad thing, but possibly some commitment issues). Ask questions, pay attention to what he does, not what he says, and so on.
She didn’t like it. She felt attacked or criticized or something. I was loving and non-judgmental, but it didn’t matter. She wanted the old me. The one who would join her in the whole “men are such jerks” talk, and then hope along with her that this “jerk” would call her and they would ride off into the sunset together.
But I can’t do that anymore. Once you get it, you get it, I guess. I so want this friend to taste the self-love that precedes the romantic love she so desperately wants. There’s so much better love out there to have and to give–and now that I’ve had a taste of it, I want her to taste it, too. For now, I can only accept that she is where she is and wish her the best. And I do.
Hi Kathy,
Great posting. One of the things that happened for me when I started to consciously work on improving my abusive-relationship pattern was to take a look at all my non-romantic relationships.
I realized that I had maintained abusive or unhealthy relationships with nearly everyone in my life–my friends, family members, etc…. even my hairdresser & my manicurist were people from whom I would take constant abusive or disrespectful treatment. It was a D-bomb moment for me!
Extricating myself from all those relationships wasn’t easy and even kinda lonely. Right now though, I have fewer friends, but they are all people who are very good to me and I am healthy enough to return the favor.
BTW: The second to last paragraph above sounds pretty Carrie-Big, right? Big’s a jerk, but he comes around and they live happily ever after…just like in the movie. Ironically, this particular friend called her last serious partner her “Mr. Big” (sadly, it was fitting). And the new guy she’s dating? Sounds like another unavailable, sneaky person to me. And she wants him. All of her education–and she has A LOT of formal education–is of no use to her here. She believes in the cultural messages played out in the Carrie-Big drama. That’s what ticks me off about the movie, increasingly since I saw it and continue processing it. The ONE for her, in her eyes, will be the one she loves enough to make him see the error of his ways and how wonderful she is, a la Carrie-Big. But SHE doesn’t see how wonderful she is. She cried at the end of the SATC movie, and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her cry. (Outwardly, she projects a very confident persona.)
I’m not sure where I’m going with this, just processing it all and maybe wishing that Susan’s book were out already so I could give it to all my friends for Christmas. And so I can read it, too, of course, because I don’t ever want to stop learning or stop “getting it”–which seems a never-ending process (and I welcome it). My personal growth continues…
Azucena,
I can relate to that. My friendships and other relationships have changed significantly in the last year. Some I have let go completely–including w/my former hair stylist!–and others have shifted to a less-intimate status. But like you, I have a couple of relationships that are more intimate than I’ve ever had. I’m more capable of the intimacy now and prefer fewer but more authentic relationships now. One friend told me a couple of years ago when our friendship ended–when I was really only at the beginning of this big life change and didn’t realize it yet–that my standards are too high and I would be alone. It stung at the time, but I felt something inside saying “your standards are ok; this friend is really high maintenance.” I’ve learned here that having high standards is a good thing, and my friend’s “criticism” was really a compliment. She was trying to suck me back in to her drama, into my care-taking role
with her that I no longer wanted to perform.
So what at first felt lonely to me, became about making peace with the peace, as Susan says. I can be alone without feeling lonely, and I can have a small circle of intimate relationships and feel very “full”. It all happens inside first. Again, too bad SATC, with all its purported praise of the single woman, ultimately failed in the movie to relay that a woman must love herself first.
The sterotype stories makes me feel Simone de Beauvoir, the second sex is still valid. That we need to remind ourselves what she asserted that women are as capable of choice as men, and thus can choose to elevate ourselves, moving beyond the ‘immanence’ to which we were
previously resigned and reaching ‘transcendence’, a position in which one takes responsibility for oneself and the world, where one chooses one’s freedom.
We are something in ourselves, with ourselves, dont need to be in a relation to feel we do have a value. And the cultural messges often tells us we are not. Tougher to be a single woman than a single man for that reason.
Hey y’all. I don’t think you can just dismiss a movie as “entertainment” and consider it a place to take some and leave the rest. On a deep level, any kind of story represents a culture of a group’s truth: telling us about, warning us about, enlightening us about how things are. Sharing with us how to deal with, as Pinkola-Estes says, “the complexities of life”.
And how much is illusion and how much reality? And why is something that is *so* unbelievable- showing really unhealthy behavior being rewarded by “happiness” (for example- Pretty Woman? I remember after watching it, I was like, that guy was a dismissive, cold, jerk and there’s *no way* he would change like that). After I watched “Thelma and Louise”, I remember feeling a really clean, cool satisfaction with a truth of what would happen actually being put in the movies.
When I lived in Asia, I watched a lot of Hong Kong movies. And for those who haven’t watched- you would not believe how many protagonists and heroes of dramas (and their friends and supporters) end up dead at the end. I watched one where people were dying left and right, and then the hero got mashed by a car up against a brick wall. And then there were tons of movies when the lovers just never made it- because of death or just life circumstances. When I asked my Asian friends about that, they said, “Well, life is sad.”
I get that, but I think a better drama balances out the good and bad, just like life. And yes, there are some sad endings. And no river of unhealthy behavior rewarded in illusion runs through them.
Anytime the word “fairytale” comes up, realize that the Disneyfication of fairy tales has taken the real, bloody, harsh, truths out of stories that were told for ages. The little mermaid? She never got the prince- she just walked on needles her whole on-land life and then didn’t win that neglectful guy- but at least she went to heaven.
All the time that you watch some story that *people* have written for TV or the movies- many of them men (how many? most? anybody know?)- you are giving them access to your conscious and subconscious. And it always comes to your choice of what to watch, and your choice of how to protect your subconscious from what you do watch.
The book, “Women Who Run With Wolves” digs into the story-as-truth-of-the-world and un-altered fairy tale. Here is what the author says:
“Stories like “Bluebeard” bring us news of just what to do about the women’s wound that will not cease its bleeding. Stories like “Skeleton Woman” show the mystical power of relationship and how deadened feeling can return to life and deep loving once again…It is our brush with Wild Woman that drives us not to limit our conversations to humans, not to limit our most splendid movements to dance floors, nor our ears only to music made by human-made instruments, nor our eyes to “taught” beauty, nor our bodies to approved sensations, nor our minds to those things we all agree upon already. All these stories present the knife of insight, the flame of the passionate life, the breath to speak what one knows, the courage to stand what one sees without looking away, the fragrance of the wild soul.”
If you take a look at the book, I especially recommend the “Bluebeard” story, “Vasalisa”, and the story that the unrealistic happy ending with Big reminds me of- “The Little Match Girl”, who froze to death in the snow as she watched illusionary pictures with her last match.
Hi all great information here and good thread to comment on.
Can I ask though – how did you get this picked up and into google news?
Very impressive that this blog is syndicated through Google and is it something that is just up to Google or you actively created?
Obviously this is a popular blog with great data so well done on your seo success..
Thanks for visiting. I didn’t do anything to get it picked up for Google syndication. I don’t tweak or do anything special ala SEO tricks. I just write the thing. The distribution kind of takes care of itself. Keep blogging!
Has anyone seen the TV series “Madmen”? It’s about advertising and sex roles in the 50s and 60s and relationships (married, single, heterosexual, and gay) during that time period.
I watched the whole first season on DVD. It’s pretty amazing writing but the best thing about series is its insights into how advertising has created our expectations of who we want to be; with whom we feel we should be; and, what we feel we should be feeling. Then, it takes all this and shows us how we really are; whom we really want; and how we really feel.
Amazing stuff. The second season starts the end of this month on AMC.
If anyone else has seen this series, I’d love to get a dialog going on this thread.
Susan, have you seen it?
I’ve seen parts of it and JUST bought the DVD! It comes in a lighter-like box. I can’t wait to sit down and watch the whole thing.
Thanks for the tip, Seiff. I’ll look for it…sounds like something I would like.
I’m late to the conversation, but I saw the movie about a month ago. I’m bored at work today and read through this thread. I would just like to add that, for me, the point of going to the movies is to exercise my suspended-belief muscle. This is a fictional movie, not a documentary. I was never a religious SATC watcher, but it was fun mind fluff. And overall, I think the movie was okay. Yes, it had an improbable ending. Well, improbable only if you’re a healthy-relationship kind of person. And I’d say the majority of the relationship-having people are not.
Something Susan stresses here on GPYP is that water seeks its own level. And I think the ending of this movie exemplifies that. Carrie and Big have always been on the same level. Yes, I would not have taken him back. However, I am not her (THANK GOD). She did what I’ve seen a lot of women do. She turned into a Bridezilla where it was all about what she wanted in the wedding. Big was pretty specific about a small event. She even blamed the growing guest list on the dress. I think, given Carrie’s historical behavior, her taking him back in the end was logical.
Also, no one has discussed how Big did (though not immediately) realize as he was driving away from the wedding that he *did* want to marry her. He even had the chauffer turn the limo around. Yes, by that time, Carrie had been humiliated. Yes, it gave us a chance to see Charlotte show her backbone and support her friend and scream “NO!” to Big (one of her strongest scenes ever). Yes, we would not have had the second half of the movie to watch if she had stopped to listen to him, after beating him over the head with her flowers (which I cheered on). But I wonder if, in real life, she wouldn’t have asked him why he stopped. And maybe he would have had a chance to say, “I’m an asshole and almost wrecked this day…but I realized…” or something like that. But, it bares mentioning that he was true to character in two ways: he had really really really ice-cold feet on the day of his wedding, and he realized he had made a mistake and come running back. Did anyone expect him to just show up on time to the altar? Talk about out of character.
What I loved about the movie was the time in Mexico. Samantha haranguing Miranda about not waxing, Charlotte’s GI issues, and Carrie not getting out of bed. It was touching to me, because as I watched her friends care for her (by letting her sleep, and then opening the blinds to force light into the room), and even hand-feed her, I was reminded of my sister doing that for me. For me, that was a very true-to-life part of the movie. And I was glad to watch someone else go through what I thought only I had.
Oscar-worthy? No. But I don’t think it’s a slight against women either. It’s a movie.
seiff,
It looks like Mad Men got some Emmy nods.
I watched a 15-min clip online of the pilot and it was very good.
I look forward to seeing more.
“Mad Men” is the best new show on TV, bar none. I’ve been singing its praises since the first episode. Got a few people hooked on it.
I really think it’s beyond brilliant. Enjoy!
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