You have been sober for almost 4 years?! And you don’t think that’s an achievement?! And all those traumatic thoughts are exactly like having a dementor around, don’t you think? I used to think that maybe dementors are real when I was going through depression. Nothing could make me happy. Since the breakup, I was really shattered. Any memory of X was a torture. All happiness was sucked right out of it. And then I found this site. My friends, people here, the articles on this blog have served exactly as a patronus! Keeping those dementors away. And you don’t even need a happy memory to conjure these patronuses! So seriously, keep us updated how you are doing.

thank you too for sharing this. I appreciate it! I can relate well to the urge of having NC….I tend to do it that way. Since I have a joint business with him I cannot go NC at the moment but its limited to text messages (on business), so I have not seen him or talked to him since the breakup. I am feeling well re. this, b/c I had the urge sometimes (particularly on an emotional day like birthday) but I am proud I could resist. My dream last night (or nightmare, see my last post) was really heaven-sent. I am so grateful for that.
I wish you all the best, too. Let me tell you that you too are not alone. Continue on your NC path, I am sure it is the right thing. Be strong….and best wishes to you

thanks for sharing, its good to know that I am not alone with this :-)

Today, I started the day by jogging for 30 minutes and it really gave me a better start (I had a rather difficult day yesterday, but stayed in the house as I do my writing work) so I hope I will be writing easily today….

Had to smile b/c of your comment re. “not the same air that he breathes”…I think you are doing well.

I had kind of a nightmare last nite (or in the early hours of the morning), I woke up and thought he was here (he used to sleep in the other room during the last stage of our relationship) and I panicked, realised that it was 6 in the morning and he was probably still here…it was like a shock, I felt sooooo uncomfortable. Then I started to realise it was just a dream. And I was so relieved.

I think this nightmare was heaven-sent as it made me realise how much I was dreading such a situation (him coming back) so I take it as a “healing dream”, despite all the longing and missing and grieving, it feels like having done the right thing (i.e. the breakup)

It has been a month since the NC. 5 months since the breakup. It took me 4 months to have the courage to go on NC. It was a huge step for me. But it shocked my ex. She thought that i will never do NC to her due to the 4 months of contact after the breakup.

During the NC, there will be alot of different feelings each day. I will feel great and invincible today and the next day “whammmm!” go back to where i was, depressed, crying over the breakup. Out of the sudden, it is hard for me to accept that we had broken up. It was hard to accept the new identity. It was hard for me to be without her. Which i thought that i had got over it. What makes things worse was that i will have the urge to contact her whenever these things happen. I’ve broken NC for a few times. I’ve regretted them all. Breaking NC hurts you.

Due to work stuff, we had to contact each other sometimes. I will minimize it and appear very cold when she text or calls. Everytime i spoke to her, it hurts me.

I’m trying very hard to get through each day of NC. I know i had to move on no matter what. Even if she comes back, i will not want her. She had changed. Our ex had changed. We had changed too, to a better person. They are not the person we want who wanted us anymore. I don’t know how to really advice someone (I’m still trying very hard to get over this breakup) . Just want to let you know that you are not alone in this. All the best!

I had the same experience recently about being reminded of the past together by really little things. The thing is, we were together when both of us were in US. Then my status in US was about to expire and I wanted to get married. He wanted to get married here in India. So, I HAD TO (literally, after begging him a lot) come to India which is where I am right now. Few days back, I was reading a book, and there was a dog that was greyhound. That’s it…!! The word greyhound (”Greyhound” is a inter-city bus-service in US) unlocked so many things… Gosh. I had a little cry then, and didn’t let myself think about it too much.

Then last night, I was making some snack. He used to like when I made it and I was completely used to make it the he liked. Then I realized it again, I would never make it for him. Ever… So I tried to cook it differently and ended up ruining it slightly :)

That actually made me realize something. I feel quite alright these days. But that’s because there is absolutely NOTHING here that could remind me of him anymore. I mean, since I had to move back to India, I had left all my stuff with him. Then I returned a few things that I had of him through someone travelling to US. Even the air I breathe isn’t the air he breathes being on different continents :) So, yeah, I feel alright. Strict NC. But the real test would come when I would go back (and I WILL) to US and face all the familiar things alone. But will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I am like “oh my god, what made me/ us do this?? after more than 5 years! we were so close, we always said we would make it….what HAPPENED?????” (although I know the answer, but all of a sudden I seem to panic, just as if I could not believe it)

You know, this can be some little that reminds me of him or of our past. A ritual, a word, something private between us, what I or he would do, what we shared, or whatever.

It was my birthday a few weeks back and he wanted to call, but I did not want it. So it was text msg only. Then he wanted to talk “about a few things”, I said I prefer text msg at the moment. Then he wanted me to do a favor for him (I have posted about this on another forum) and I had a hard time in saying no, but kinda did it. Then comes an emotional message, and I responded, but only shortly.

I feel like I am having a hard time setting boundaries. I may appear “cool” towards him but I am full of pain!

And I have a deadline to meet with my work, so I cant go out and meet new people etc and I feel so lost right now. Any encouraging words are welcome…! Thanks in advance

Two months is not a long time. Your initial enthusiasm is probably the relief at finding AN ANSWER.

After two months the realization strikes that it’s a lot of work and you are going to face a lot of STUFF!!! And the internal messages are “GET BACK WHERE YOU BELONG” (there’s a lot of stuff on here about that). It’s a pretty “normal” thing to feel exhausted and questioning after two months.

You don’t have to understand everything today…just keep going and know that you have found the answers to changing your life for the BETTER.

Just hang tight and you will get through it. Are you doing good things for you to BALANCE the work???? That is a GPYP “suggestion” but it’s a pretty heavy-handed suggestion….think of ways to reward you and do good things for you for doing all this work. That is a GPYP “things you must do” in order to KEEP GOING!

Welcome. Glad you’re here.