Comments on: Being Good to Yourself http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/05/03/being-good-to-yourself/ Getting Past Your Breakup and Becoming The Best Person You Can Be! Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:14:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=MU By: Greenroses http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/05/03/being-good-to-yourself/#comment-12633 Greenroses Sun, 18 May 2008 14:20:16 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?p=597#comment-12633 Yes, and you can also look at yourself in that way that you consist of different parts, and it is just ONE part inside you taking over when an intense setback occurs, but then again, at some other point, the stronger parts will be the majority again. Sometimes you feel like crap for 2 entire days, only to feel like having actually moved forward incredibly, after that time! And sometimes, to follow your "big dreams", even some minor changes or inspirations are enough, you know, like changing habits, going to work on a different route and encountering something you would otherwise not have seen (let's say, some advertisement re. a hobby you always wanted to pursue), so you go there, meet new people, and one of them has connections to XYZ and you find a new area of interest and and and......sometimes it is just like in a domino game, you push one stone and the everything starts moving. Yes, and you can also look at yourself in that way that you consist of different parts, and it is just ONE part inside you taking over when an intense setback occurs, but then again, at some other point, the stronger parts will be the majority again. Sometimes you feel like crap for 2 entire days, only to feel like having actually moved forward incredibly, after that time! And sometimes, to follow your “big dreams”, even some minor changes or inspirations are enough, you know, like changing habits, going to work on a different route and encountering something you would otherwise not have seen (let’s say, some advertisement re. a hobby you always wanted to pursue), so you go there, meet new people, and one of them has connections to XYZ and you find a new area of interest and and and……sometimes it is just like in a domino game, you push one stone and the everything starts moving.

]]> By: Serenity http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/05/03/being-good-to-yourself/#comment-12630 Serenity Sun, 18 May 2008 13:56:18 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?p=597#comment-12630 Lola, Thanks for the great posting! I really liked being reminded that setbacks are just part of the total journey, not everything. That goes for obstacles in our dream paths as well as breakups. Lola,
Thanks for the great posting! I really liked being reminded that setbacks are just part of the total journey, not everything. That goes for obstacles in our dream paths as well as breakups.

]]> By: Lola http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/05/03/being-good-to-yourself/#comment-12628 Lola Sun, 18 May 2008 13:51:46 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?p=597#comment-12628 Simone, hang in there. If you keep doing positive things and keep working out what would be the most positive thing you could do DESPITE the crap around you ... it works, Í´m here to tell you. I still have some weird things in my life (realised that I have switched my codependent ways to my female friendships, wow that has taken a few years to sink in) but the rest of my life is SO MUCH BETTER NOW when I compare it to how it was before. I just kept reading everything I could find about changing, doing everything that the ones that really inspired me suggested (lots of things from this blog, and I mean lots), and writing every day about how it felt. Often I felt like crap but I thought let´s take a leap of faith and just keep doing it, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain as my way before just led to nowhere. I had incredibly low standards in my life before, with a long-term boyfriend who I adored but who didn´t really care that much for me, but hung in there for another, I don´t know, 4 or 5 years anyway. THis stuff eats away at you, so you forget how to dream big dreams. Now I think not only what would be ok to do tomorrow, or for the rest of my life, but what would be my ULTIMATE DREAM thing to do. If you think in this kind of way and keep pushing for it unbelievable things happen. Not all at once, but if you take a few changes on it, and step back and see what happens, you should get enough positive feedback to propel you forward. Keeping yourself inspired is the key ... even when crap or setbacks happen. I have found that a big pattern, a MAJOR one, is that setbacks occur, and if you see them as just one part of the whole thing, and maintain the path you are are on anyway, usually a major breakthrough occurs following that. But if you give up at the point where it all looks pretty grim, you won´t get the payoff. You have to have LOTS of inspiration to keep you on track, so work out what these things would be, for me it´s music and being inspired by my idols and reading about them and what they faced, and different ideas of how to get what you are really wanting ... but if you stay on track it will kind of transform you. Know that the crap feelings are just part of it, and hang in there ... Lola Simone, hang in there. If you keep doing positive things and keep working out what would be the most positive thing you could do DESPITE the crap around you … it works, Í´m here to tell you.

I still have some weird things in my life (realised that I have switched my codependent ways to my female friendships, wow that has taken a few years to sink in) but the rest of my life is SO MUCH BETTER NOW when I compare it to how it was before. I just kept reading everything I could find about changing, doing everything that the ones that really inspired me suggested (lots of things from this blog, and I mean lots), and writing every day about how it felt.

Often I felt like crap but I thought let´s take a leap of faith and just keep doing it, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain as my way before just led to nowhere. I had incredibly low standards in my life before, with a long-term boyfriend who I adored but who didn´t really care that much for me, but hung in there for another, I don´t know, 4 or 5 years anyway. THis stuff eats away at you, so you forget how to dream big dreams.

Now I think not only what would be ok to do tomorrow, or for the rest of my life, but what would be my ULTIMATE DREAM thing to do. If you think in this kind of way and keep pushing for it unbelievable things happen. Not all at once, but if you take a few changes on it, and step back and see what happens, you should get enough positive feedback to propel you forward.

Keeping yourself inspired is the key … even when crap or setbacks happen. I have found that a big pattern, a MAJOR one, is that setbacks occur, and if you see them as just one part of the whole thing, and maintain the path you are are on anyway, usually a major breakthrough occurs following that. But if you give up at the point where it all looks pretty grim, you won´t get the payoff. You have to have LOTS of inspiration to keep you on track, so work out what these things would be, for me it´s music and being inspired by my idols and reading about them and what they faced, and different ideas of how to get what you are really wanting … but if you stay on track it will kind of transform you. Know that the crap feelings are just part of it, and hang in there …

Lola

]]> By: Simone http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/05/03/being-good-to-yourself/#comment-12065 Simone Wed, 07 May 2008 17:16:44 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?p=597#comment-12065 It's probably just the female hormones but this week is not a good week, I just feel really low and I dont like myself so much. I have been for the last 7 months since I decided to be good to myself, been really good to myself, sometimes too good! But I hate how I feel at the moment, and I hope the sh*tty feeling will pass soon! It’s probably just the female hormones but this week is not a good week, I just feel really low and I dont like myself so much. I have been for the last 7 months since I decided to be good to myself, been really good to myself, sometimes too good! But I hate how I feel at the moment, and I hope the sh*tty feeling will pass soon!

]]> By: Lola http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/05/03/being-good-to-yourself/#comment-11837 Lola Sun, 04 May 2008 12:55:02 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?p=597#comment-11837 Another fabulous post Susan, thanks again. I would like to add that it´s also critical to do this work on yourself to avoid your past leeching into your next relationship. I cried a lot and felt very sorry for myself for a few years after a major breakup, but while I got my act together as far as selling the house we had bought together, and finding my own place etc, I never really did the difficult emotional work. The result was that in my new found freedom I had dates but I brought my past into them, both in things that came out of my mouth that were beyond my control (fear and bitterness, I shocked myself sometimes) and the feelings that were swirling inside throughout, which ultimately led to not great choices in these people. So avoid this! If you do the work up front you won´t spoil a potentially great relationship by "bleeding" all over other people emotionally, you will be much more self reliant and can enjoy new things for what they are. I thought these feelings would just work themselves out over time ... but they don´t, they stay exactly in the same place until you look at them, it´s so true. Look at them in the privacy of your own place and in your own time ... or they will come out and ruin your present at random! Take control over it by knowing you can work through it in privacy ... it´s a great relief to feel that you have that power over yourself and your emotions, not that they are running the show. Lola Another fabulous post Susan, thanks again. I would like to add that it´s also critical to do this work on yourself to avoid your past leeching into your next relationship. I cried a lot and felt very sorry for myself for a few years after a major breakup, but while I got my act together as far as selling the house we had bought together, and finding my own place etc, I never really did the difficult emotional work. The result was that in my new found freedom I had dates but I brought my past into them, both in things that came out of my mouth that were beyond my control (fear and bitterness, I shocked myself sometimes) and the feelings that were swirling inside throughout, which ultimately led to not great choices in these people. So avoid this!

If you do the work up front you won´t spoil a potentially great relationship by “bleeding” all over other people emotionally, you will be much more self reliant and can enjoy new things for what they are. I thought these feelings would just work themselves out over time … but they don´t, they stay exactly in the same place until you look at them, it´s so true. Look at them in the privacy of your own place and in your own time … or they will come out and ruin your present at random! Take control over it by knowing you can work through it in privacy … it´s a great relief to feel that you have that power over yourself and your emotions, not that they are running the show.

Lola

]]> By: UncertainJourney http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/05/03/being-good-to-yourself/#comment-11824 UncertainJourney Sat, 03 May 2008 23:52:10 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?p=597#comment-11824 Wow. I need to print this out and read it every day. Wow. I need to print this out and read it every day.

]]> By: 'Nese http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/05/03/being-good-to-yourself/#comment-11809 'Nese Sat, 03 May 2008 17:01:58 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/?p=597#comment-11809 Thanks Susan. I had forgotten about this post. I also liked in the "Being replaced" post how you pointed out that some of our actions are betrayals to ourselves and such betrayals are not in keeping with being good to ourselves. I think there are many ways we betray ourselves but we don't realize it or that it is contrary to acts of being good to ourselves. Each time we betray ourselves we re-inforce our negative patterns/negative thinking and awareness of such betrayal is a huge step forward for me. Thanks again Susan (I hope you are feeling better....did the kidney stones route myself...no fun). Thanks Susan. I had forgotten about this post.

I also liked in the “Being replaced” post how you pointed out that some of our actions are betrayals to ourselves and such betrayals are not in keeping with being good to ourselves.

I think there are many ways we betray ourselves but we don’t realize it or that it is contrary to acts of being good to ourselves. Each time we betray ourselves we re-inforce our negative patterns/negative thinking and awareness of such betrayal is a huge step forward for me.

Thanks again Susan (I hope you are feeling better….did the kidney stones route myself…no fun).

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