Comments on: Addicted to Drama (Soundtrack Included) II

By: 'Nese

'Nese — Wed, 21 May 2008 21:43:23 +0000

Gracie, I am captivated by your writing. I love what you wrote and how you expressed it. You have talent! And, you are a smart women to have come through the compost pile into a beautiful garden.

May your happiness garden last you a lifetime and some of the seeds be cast upon the gardens of others on the site!

Thanks for your inspiration!

By: Jay Cataldo

Jay Cataldo — Wed, 21 May 2008 21:31:17 +0000

I read somewhere that the brain actually gets addicted to the chemical rollercoaster ride of repeated breakups. Supposedly over time, you can actually lose your ability to enjoy a normal relationship. Scary.

By: MissyG

MissyG — Tue, 06 May 2008 11:01:29 +0000

Gracie, thanks for that post! Both funny and inspiring. I can only hope to learn the lesson this time and go for actions, not silly words. Talking is so easy, but as you say, it’s just sounds that mean nothing.

Hondo and Genevieve: agree on the power of journals. I also spent some time the last days reading old journal entries from previous breakups or assorted disappointments (remind me to tell you about the time I fell in love with my gay best friend…*sigh*). And yes, the feelings were basically the same every time. It makes me a bit ashamed that, after all these years, I still have not learned the lesson and went crazy with grief on the first weeks after the breakup. But mainly the journals give me hope that not only I will fully overcome this, but I will love again. I know I will :).

By: gracie

gracie — Tue, 06 May 2008 05:14:37 +0000

Oh, those words, those sweet, tender, achingly, hauntingly beautiful words, words that touched a chord deep in my soul and made me resonate to the song written only for me by my one true love….the tender minstrel singing in the courtyard under my window in the lonely evenings…ah, the magic of the Internet, melting the icy miles between us away and making him as warm and close as my own breath….

What a shame it was all a load of crap! Pity I can’t put it on the petunias this year; they’d grow knee-high.

My current love, my husband, is a man of few words. But though he’s not a fancy talker, his word is good and he keeps it. He may not build me great castles in the air with words worthy of Yeats, but he built a cozy little cottage around us and loves me with all his heart.

And if I was still sitting here mooning over malarkey and pining for Mr. “Of Course We Will, But Not Just Now, Darling”, it would be just me and the cats and a box of Kleenex.

Words are just sounds. They may be beautiful, meaningful , soul-stirring and exciting sounds, but they are just sounds. Actions have meaning.

Took me YEARS to learn that. Don’t give up on happy endings; just walk away from the scripted drama and into your own very real life.

By: Newday

Newday — Tue, 06 May 2008 01:55:22 +0000

Hi Sunshine and Beatrice - I struggle with this too (the couple of years of fantastic, replaced with the ??? months of the right words but the wrong action). I have been searching for whether I missed something up front to warn me of the unavailability — but when someone is so sweet, caring, open, forward-talking (but not too early in the r/s)….how do you know? Rhetorical question of course. Hondo, you got it - we do rock!

By: Genevieve

Genevieve — Mon, 05 May 2008 19:27:40 +0000

Hondo -

Old journals are a great thing… they remind you that no matter how dark it may get, eventually the sun rises again.

Another interesting thought is this… if all breakups feel the same, then perhaps the person breaking up with us is not as relevent as the person inside of us trying to grow as a result.

I don’t know… it’s all a theory at this point because I spent my entire life doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. (ie. I have always been a doormat for every man that I ever dated and I have only ever dated men who were unavailable in one way or another - not married or involved with others - just not open to a real relationship. I lied to myself on the surface thinking that if I loved them enough they would love me too… (even when it was obvious that I wasn’t loved at all) but under all of it was a fear of being with someone who could love me because I was afraid they would leave me and it would devestate me and my fear became my way of life…

I have been single for a while now (over 6 months!) but I have a feeling that when I do start dating someone again it will play out differently because I (think) I finally understand myself and I don’t feel so scared anymore…

Of course this is all theory at this point…. but I will definitely pay closer attention to what is going on and not just hear what is being said.

Happy monday!!!

By: Hondo Lane

Hondo Lane — Mon, 05 May 2008 17:27:18 +0000

Serenity - I recommend most songs by Esmeralda Grao. But especially “Colgada de Tu Amor” which is fun because of playing with the ñ sound, and also “Te Advierto” because it’s upbeat and fun. If you do understand Spanish, then they’re even more of a treat because the lyrics are great. Colgada talks about not wanting to be hung up on your love, and Advierto talks about the other person figuring themself out before starting something with you. Esmeralda still isn’t that well known, but she’s worth looking up and much easier to find if you’re in Europe.

Sunshine - Talk about soundbites. I was going through the same recyclying that you are. As I was cleaning my room this weekend, though, I found some of my old journals and re-read entries from the period during and after my last breakup. Funny how I felt exactly the same way then as I do now after my current breakup. What did I learn from it? That I got through and over that one and moved on, when I didn’t think I could/would. So, my own experience is telling me I’ll get through this again, and end up even better once I’ve moved UP. My own soundbites are helping me now.

And just so that everyone remembers: We all totally rock! :)

By: Sunshine

Sunshine — Sun, 04 May 2008 23:56:07 +0000

Hey all,

Beatrice, I’m glad you’re feeling somewhat better. Yes, your ex and mine clearly went to the same School of Luuurrrrrrvvvv!!! Like yours, my ex said such amazing things to me for a year and a half, both in person and in texts, phonecalls, cards, emails, etc… I said to him so many times “You blow my mind” cos he did. He said countless times that he knew I was The One, that he knew he wanted to marry me and have children with me… and I felt exactly the same way about him. And then, in the end, his soul-inspiring words gave way to reality - that he is a gutless wonder, and that ultimately he doesn’t know what he wants, he was just very good at getting carried away and saying loads of lovely things (and believing them himself probably too)… It’s just that ultimately he couldn’t follow through. The main red flag was that he’s a few years younger than me, so maybe didn’t know himself well enough to know what he really wanted, but for a year and a half he seemed so self-aware and like he was so sure… He was very seductive in that respect, very convincing, with all his fine declarations of love… GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Happy Monday everyone :-D

By: Beatrice

Beatrice — Sun, 04 May 2008 15:01:14 +0000

… A song needs music as well
That’s brilliant!
Thanks for the encouragement Genevieve!

By: Genevieve

Genevieve — Sun, 04 May 2008 14:54:14 +0000

“Not falling for words without action”

What a wonderful and timely reminder. Thanks, Susan. We all do it but we need to separate the words from the reality and focus on the reality. Lyrics are lovely but a song needs music as well.

Beatrice - Glad you are feeling better.. :) Keep reading and moving forward - it WILL get better and you will one day be indifferent to this man and involved with a new one :)