Comments on: Building A Life Of One’s Own http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/ Getting Past Your Breakup and Becoming The Best Person You Can Be! Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:30:05 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: TangoLola http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-31690 TangoLola Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:42:00 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-31690 This post is one of my all-time favourites (and I have a few here!). It has made a HUGE difference in my life to get cosy and feel safe and secure. I have a fabulous new chocolate coloured blanket, sooo soft, on the couch, and when I get back from doing new things, I really get comfy! I have nice PJs and pillows and keep healthy things in the kitchen, and make the place look inviting and warm. If I take all my attention to building my life and being a good friend/doing my job and activities well - there's not much time for self-destructive behaviour and wasting time on morons! And when you feel grounded and secure and safe and at peace in your own space - you are much less likely to put yourself in vulnerable situations with unreliable types. Well I find anyway! The suggestions on this post I would describe as being CRUCIAL to a new life after an ex - without putting these things in you will naturally spiral back to the past. Humans are creatures of habit, and we like some things to stay the same in our lives, therefore if you ARE going out and doing new things, it's even more important to keep some really stable things that form the base of it all. I didn't realise this quite as much a few years ago - racing around doing a million new things but also feeling stressed out and like it was all a bit beyond me. I got a lot done, but I always felt jittery and not safe at all. Now it's a priority each day - I'm cosy and secure and safe. I can't recommend these feelings enough :) TangoLola This post is one of my all-time favourites (and I have a few here!). It has made a HUGE difference in my life to get cosy and feel safe and secure. I have a fabulous new chocolate coloured blanket, sooo soft, on the couch, and when I get back from doing new things, I really get comfy! I have nice PJs and pillows and keep healthy things in the kitchen, and make the place look inviting and warm. If I take all my attention to building my life and being a good friend/doing my job and activities well – there’s not much time for self-destructive behaviour and wasting time on morons! And when you feel grounded and secure and safe and at peace in your own space – you are much less likely to put yourself in vulnerable situations with unreliable types. Well I find anyway! The suggestions on this post I would describe as being CRUCIAL to a new life after an ex – without putting these things in you will naturally spiral back to the past. Humans are creatures of habit, and we like some things to stay the same in our lives, therefore if you ARE going out and doing new things, it’s even more important to keep some really stable things that form the base of it all.

I didn’t realise this quite as much a few years ago – racing around doing a million new things but also feeling stressed out and like it was all a bit beyond me. I got a lot done, but I always felt jittery and not safe at all. Now it’s a priority each day – I’m cosy and secure and safe. I can’t recommend these feelings enough :)

TangoLola

]]> By: susangpyp http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-31648 susangpyp Mon, 27 Apr 2009 03:33:03 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-31648 That all sounds wonderful! I know how much healing I found in things such as you described. Good for you!!! That all sounds wonderful! I know how much healing I found in things such as you described. Good for you!!!

]]> By: Annae http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-31643 Annae Mon, 27 Apr 2009 00:31:59 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-31643 I am following this, at the moment, like a prescription. After a long time of stasis, I am using this as my guide and am almost going through it step by step. Have always written, and am working through my old losses, but now I'm doing the other get-back-into-life things. So far: found a hiking group near me and have joined, joined a craft group (I am decidedly uncrafty but suffer from craft-envy), am investigating going back and finishing an unfinished degree next semester, am already a semi-gym goer, but am doing some PT sessions, which my muscles don't like, but so good!, had a beautiful soak in the bath (will make it a weekly thing), and have decided to become a mad football supporter for a year! I joined the team I have always half-heartedly supported with the kids, bought them all the gear, banners and what-not and am taking them to all the matches I can (which is really not very us, but it's been Great fun!) and I'm off shortly for a holiday in the sun with my beloved sister and my two most important people. Am starting to say YES to life again. YAY!! I am following this, at the moment, like a prescription. After a long time of stasis, I am using this as my guide and am almost going through it step by step.

Have always written, and am working through my old losses, but now I’m doing the other get-back-into-life things. So far: found a hiking group near me and have joined, joined a craft group (I am decidedly uncrafty but suffer from craft-envy), am investigating going back and finishing an unfinished degree next semester, am already a semi-gym goer, but am doing some PT sessions, which my muscles don’t like, but so good!, had a beautiful soak in the bath (will make it a weekly thing), and have decided to become a mad football supporter for a year!

I joined the team I have always half-heartedly supported with the kids, bought them all the gear, banners and what-not and am taking them to all the matches I can (which is really not very us, but it’s been Great fun!) and I’m off shortly for a holiday in the sun with my beloved sister and my two most important people.

Am starting to say YES to life again. YAY!!

]]> By: AB http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-27100 AB Sat, 07 Feb 2009 09:20:29 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-27100 Oh wow, this is great! Oh wow, this is great!

]]> By: Faith http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-26759 Faith Fri, 30 Jan 2009 16:40:29 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-26759 After last phase of grief..I am now working on rebuilding my life - discovering me. I must say it is a very interesting time. Anybody out there who visits this blog who seem to be spinnning going nowhere - it will get better as long as you do the work. Here is to healing for a new beginning. Faith After last phase of grief..I am now working on rebuilding my life – discovering me. I must say it is a very interesting time. Anybody out there who visits this blog who seem to be spinnning going nowhere – it will get better as long as you do the work.

Here is to healing for a new beginning.

Faith

]]> By: Midlife crisis http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-8547 Midlife crisis Sat, 23 Feb 2008 18:24:22 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-8547 [...] Violet: I wrote a post on my blog called Building a Life of One’s Own if you’re interested in some ideas! Building A Life Of One’s Own « Getting Past Your Past [...]

]]> By: Lisa Anne http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-6137 Lisa Anne Thu, 13 Dec 2007 10:33:56 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-6137 Thanks again Susan. The Orient Express sounds amazing! I can't tell you how screwed up my thinking was after this breakup and how I had no clue about self care. For example, while my ex and I were together I looked fabulous. I was very into clothes and ate very healthily and exercised most every day. After the breakup, I completely stopped working out and stopped caring about my clothes even. I ate any old junk that everyone else around me was eating. People told me, "you have to work out and eat right for yourself, not for some guy" and I didn't believe them. I remember thinking "why bother dressing good and working out like I did before when he isn't there to appreciate me and give me compliments anymore?" "Why bother looking good anymore?" Becoming flabby certainly didn't make me feel any better though. Maybe that kind of thinking was part of my depression but I truly had no clue that how I feel about MYSELF and MY self-esteem was the most important thing and that working out was for me and an act of self love. I am starting to learn things like that for the first time in my life. That not everything is for some guy to like me and to get his approval. I thought that way for years. I never did anything for myself. Like you said, I placed my self image in the hands of guys. I was so clueless. I have to BE the right person to attract the right person as you say. I am still struggling to put myself in this frame of mind, but I am learning. Lisa Anne Thanks again Susan. The Orient Express sounds amazing! I can’t tell you how screwed up my thinking was after this breakup and how I had no clue about self care. For example, while my ex and I were together I looked fabulous. I was very into clothes and ate very healthily and exercised most every day. After the breakup, I completely stopped working out and stopped caring about my clothes even. I ate any old junk that everyone else around me was eating. People told me, “you have to work out and eat right for yourself, not for some guy” and I didn’t believe them. I remember thinking “why bother dressing good and working out like I did before when he isn’t there to appreciate me and give me compliments anymore?” “Why bother looking good anymore?” Becoming flabby certainly didn’t make me feel any better though.

Maybe that kind of thinking was part of my depression but I truly had no clue that how I feel about MYSELF and MY self-esteem was the most important thing and that working out was for me and an act of self love. I am starting to learn things like that for the first time in my life. That not everything is for some guy to like me and to get his approval. I thought that way for years. I never did anything for myself. Like you said, I placed my self image in the hands of guys. I was so clueless. I have to BE the right person to attract the right person as you say. I am still struggling to put myself in this frame of mind, but I am learning.

Lisa Anne

]]> By: susangpyp http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-6061 susangpyp Sun, 09 Dec 2007 13:04:15 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-6061 Thank you Lisa Anne. One of the other things that having done all this has done for me (a secondary gift if you will) is that I don't really daydream or think of things I wish I had done because I've done them. Only my law enforcement fantasies remain unfulfilled because of the age thing it came and went because there was never an opportune time. I also want to take the Orient Express from London to Venice and will do that in a few years (hubby and I are planning it). But I don't live in my head like I used to. I think about the exciting things to come (publishing the book, speaking more and teaching more because of it) but I don't have a lot of "if onlys" rattling around in my head like I used to. To me, taking care of myself was the THING that got me to wiggle out of the self-imposed mourning cocoon I was wrapped in....and because I was taking care of myself I had more strength to do the difficult emotional work and peeling of the onion I had to do. It works for so many things. Take care of Lisa Anne...you deserve it! Thank you Lisa Anne. One of the other things that having done all this has done for me (a secondary gift if you will) is that I don’t really daydream or think of things I wish I had done because I’ve done them. Only my law enforcement fantasies remain unfulfilled because of the age thing it came and went because there was never an opportune time. I also want to take the Orient Express from London to Venice and will do that in a few years (hubby and I are planning it). But I don’t live in my head like I used to. I think about the exciting things to come (publishing the book, speaking more and teaching more because of it) but I don’t have a lot of “if onlys” rattling around in my head like I used to.

To me, taking care of myself was the THING that got me to wiggle out of the self-imposed mourning cocoon I was wrapped in….and because I was taking care of myself I had more strength to do the difficult emotional work and peeling of the onion I had to do. It works for so many things.

Take care of Lisa Anne…you deserve it!

]]> By: Lisa Anne http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-6057 Lisa Anne Sun, 09 Dec 2007 06:12:40 +0000 http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/building-a-life-of-ones-own/#comment-6057 Wonderful! I was wondering what specific things a person should be doing to become the "right" person before we can attract the right person (as I read in your platitudes article) and this article helped me to understand. Being single again (and not by choice) has been very hard for me and I have been feeling a lot of anger about it lately...especially this time of year. Even my friends and family have been feeling the effects of my anger and upset because I haven't been "myself". I feel badly about that. I guess hurting people hurt other people as they say. Reading this article, I see how you did a lot of work on yourself and came to embrace being single after your divorce. I admire the fact that though you initially went through a terrible time after your breakup, you ultimately did the things you described in this article rather than fall completely apart as I nearly did after my breakup. You found out who you were and what things you wanted in life and you went for it. You pushed past your fears. You treated yourself well whereas I did not for a long time after my ex broke up with me. I spent so much time hating myself and blaming myself for the breakup and when I wasn't doing that I spent time feeling guilty for not being his friend (and thinking I was ruining any possible chance of him coming back if he changed his mind about dumping me for the other girl) afterwards that I became self destructive. I did not take care of myself. I was NOT good to myself physically or emotionally for a long time after the breakup. I admire that you did and you have found happiness now. I feel like I am in the process of searching for and learning things I wish I had known a long time ago. Thanks for another helpful article. Lisa Anne Wonderful! I was wondering what specific things a person should be doing to become the “right” person before we can attract the right person (as I read in your platitudes article) and this article helped me to understand. Being single again (and not by choice) has been very hard for me and I have been feeling a lot of anger about it lately…especially this time of year. Even my friends and family have been feeling the effects of my anger and upset because I haven’t been “myself”. I feel badly about that. I guess hurting people hurt other people as they say.

Reading this article, I see how you did a lot of work on yourself and came to embrace being single after your divorce. I admire the fact that though you initially went through a terrible time after your breakup, you ultimately did the things you described in this article rather than fall completely apart as I nearly did after my breakup. You found out who you were and what things you wanted in life and you went for it. You pushed past your fears. You treated yourself well whereas I did not for a long time after my ex broke up with me. I spent so much time hating myself and blaming myself for the breakup and when I wasn’t doing that I spent time feeling guilty for not being his friend (and thinking I was ruining any possible chance of him coming back if he changed his mind about dumping me for the other girl) afterwards that I became self destructive. I did not take care of myself. I was NOT good to myself physically or emotionally for a long time after the breakup. I admire that you did and you have found happiness now. I feel like I am in the process of searching for and learning things I wish I had known a long time ago.

Thanks for another helpful article.

Lisa Anne

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