The Last Phase of Grief: Acceptance, Reorganization and Integration

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through ~ Barry Manilow

In the “Emotions of Grief After A Breakup” post, I said that there are three phases of grief. In that post I wrote about the first two because it was a post about the emotions of grief.

Now I will talk about the final phase: Acceptance, Reorganization and Integration

The final phase of grief is sometimes called integration, sometimes called reorganization and sometimes acceptance. It doesn’t mean you are suddenly happy, it means you are starting to move on and find some peace about the breakup.

Accepting the loss does not mean forgetting or never feeling sad again, but it is a turning point that signals the final phase of grief has begun.

Acceptance is about understanding what has happened and that it cannot be changed. After the difficult feelings have been felt, there is often the first glimpse of acceptance. Although emotions may re-emerge and you might experience the middle phase of grief again, the acceptance phase will return eventually. In time, the periods of peacefully accepting the loss last longer than the periods of sorrow.

During the final phase, a new understanding of life and loss results in profound reorganization of a person’s life. People who have worked through a significant loss have new priorities, new values, and a different perspective. This is the time when people will change jobs, return to school, move to another state or become serious about goals in life.

Integrating the loss means finding a new outlook on life, enjoying life again, and living without guilt or sorrow. In integration, there is a resumption of taking care of one’s own needs and feelings and often a sense of courage and strength that was absent before the loss occurred.

Integration means giving yourself permission to live life and to love again. Integration means going forward with a new understanding and a new appreciation for yourself

One final word on the acceptance phase of grief: Sometimes it feels like it should be more, different, better. It’s a very quiet thing, and it comes in phases, just like everything else.

And when you find yourself in it, even for a short time, accept it and enjoy it. It will feel quiet. It might feel strange. It will be different than you envisioned it. Sometimes you will have intense moments of happiness. Other times it’s like an emptiness, as if something is missing because you have been feeling tumultuous feelings and having oppressive thoughts for SO LONG, but now the tide has turned. And with it comes calm which may seem empty or boring. Other times it’s just peaceful and calm. MAKE PEACE WITH THE PEACE. You earned it. Enjoy it.

To cultivate the strength of having worked through a loss, recognize a few things:

New feelings will come up. It will happen when you least expect it. If you are not journaling every day, you will not be ready for it; journal every day.

Go slow with new relationships; stay in touch with your feelings.

Keep finding new things to do, places to go, people to see. It won’t always be easy, but make yourself available to a new life.

Turn the page and help others heal. Let people know that working through loss was a good experience, and you gained a great deal from it.

Yes, it was painful; yes, it was hard; but the rewards are amazing.

Stephen Levine said that people who have worked through loss, TRULY worked through loss, are the most healed and lightest of beings. It is TRUE. Once you have healed, you go on as an extremely different person and meet life head on. You are healed.

Go.

Live.

Now.

Enjoy!

Share this post: