11/29 TFTD – On Identity

“Identity is the antidote for enmeshment.”  – Terry Kellogg

I read this quote a long time ago when I was overly enmeshed with an unhealthy, abusive person and had no identity of my own. The quote has always stayed with me because I realized it was true as I forged my own identity.

When we become overly involved in someone else’s life, usually trying to save them from themselves, we often have our own hidden agenda, which is to ignore what is missing or hurting in ourselves.

Therefore, as we pull away from unhealthy enmeshments we often feel a void or feel very scared and shaky because we begin to realize how much is wrong in our own lives.

The path to freedom is in carving out our own identities, finding out what makes us tick, healing our wounded places and becoming whole. When we are whole we have no more hidden agendas and do not need to merge with unhealthy people who make us miserable.

Becoming ourselves, becoming who we are meant to be, is the FIRST step to finding the right person who will enhance our life, not BE our life. It is possible to have true love and a healthy intimate relationship ONLY when we know ourselves first.

Find your identity and find freedom.

Susan J. Elliott 11/06